My Favorite Bad Movies

It just occured to me that I could name more favorite bad movies than favorite good movies. These are films I watched as a kid frequenting Ali Mall on weekends with PHP 20 pabaon from my Dad. Movies were cheap at PHP 5.50 for orchestra seats, and pop corn was just PHP 2. The Filipinos were then on the the Guinnes Book of World records for watching an average of 19 films a year. I can’t believe we feasted on this junk for years. But hey, I must say I enjoyed them. Here is my favorite bad movies list:

10. Tartan - A Vic Sotto starrer a la Tarzan, where they had villagers speaking in a strange language in which the syllables “sepe” were added to each word in the Tagalog sentence. Famous line “ Gasepego pasepela kasepeyo ehsepe!” Go figure.

9. Mong --A comics to movie flick, introducing six foot eight Bonnie de Jesus about a basketball player who can’t shoot. Famous scene: Mong’s dad rents a prostitute to get his son “baptized”. Dad gets tittilated listening to the moans of the girl in the room. But camera shows prostitute scratching Mong’s back wth a big wooden fork (the kind you get from Baguio City to hang on your wall) and begging to stop because she’s too tired to go on.

8. Tres Moskiteros at si Ako -- Tito Vic & Joey with the late Maria Teresa Carlson were on this film. The three comedians do not act as musketeers except for the last ten minutes of the movie, which was shot in an “old kingdom” set to justify the title. Famous scene: Tito Sotto making a shaking gesture with his right hand and obscene face contortions. Nova Villa comes in the room and asks what is he doing. He says “Nagbabate.” And then the camera zooms out to reveal Tito beating eggs for breakfast.

7. Six Million Centavo Man -- This is a Chiquito starrer ripping-off Lee Majors’s Six Million Dollar Man. Chiquitto gets bionic abilities after an operation that cost Six Million Centavos. They showed surgery being done on what was obviously a dead pig being passed off as Chiquito’s tummy.

6. Hot Dog - Another Tito, Vic, and Joey starrer about an enchanted dog with golden feces. Highlight of the film is when the dog demonstrates his golden abilities as Tito Vic and Joey cheer on the side “Echas! Echas! Echas pa!”

5. Starzan - Joey de Leon takes the lead here with Chitae (Rene Requiestas) and Zsa Zsa Padilla. In the film, Zsa Zsa gives birth to a baby while moaning “It’s coming! It’s coming!”, and Joey looks on and says “It’s showing! It’s showing!”

4. Zuma - Max Laurel plays the fabled snake man of Filipino comics donning green paint all over his body and two mechanical snakes hanging over his neck. He gets a woman pregnant, who then undergoes an operation to abort the fetus. But during the operation, the fetus jumps from one woman to another and finds another hostess, who eventually gives birth to Galema, Zuma’s daughter.

3. For Your Height Only -- Weng Weng plays Agent 00, a secret police agent barely three feet tall. The film is now internationally hailed as one of the best bad movies ever. Highlight of the film is Weng Weng, looking scared stiff, with two burning fire extinguishers hanging on his back flying supposedly to go after the bad guys.

2. Pete Matipid -- Another Chiquito movie based on his TV show where he plays Pete, the miser. Meal time with Pete is amazingly cheap as he takes out fried chicken hanging on a string from a closet. Tintoy, his perennial side kick, tries to get a slice of the chicken, but is stopped by Chiquito, saying to save the chicken, they will only smell it, and eat only the rice.

1. Working Boys -- Tito, Vic, and Joey star again in this all gags ending in sort of kidnapping movie. The trio play the role of utility men. One of them plays a barber. At the start of the film, a customer asks if he could get a haircut and was asked to wait outside. At various points of the movie, he asks if he could get his turn but is made to wait again until he is remembered at the end of the film with an overgrowth of hair and beard and looking like a monster. i still see the actor who played this character in Timog Avenue, Quezon City with his long hair.

Can you name me your favorite bad movie? I promise to give a limited edition La Vida Lawyer coffee mug (shipping not included) to the best replies to this post with your favorite bad movies. Drop me a few lines, with the title of the film, the actors and a short summary of what was it about. You can also link to posts on your own blogs. This contest is open to all. But if you're living abroad, you have to find a way to pick up the mugs from my office in Quezon City. Contest ends on Christmas day Philippine time. Cheers!