Court Room Black Comedy

I was in court again today, doing the slow drag, and waiting for the time my case would see the light of trial. There were twenty cases on the calendar, mine landed on number 15. As I waited for my case to be called, I found great entertainment in an exchange between a litigant, who was absent the previous hearing, and the judge.

The court had issued a warrant of arrest against the litigant and demanded that he gave an explanation for his absence. The man said he was in Isabela, a province nine hours away from Manila, and claimed he got sick with flu. The judge suspecting it was a lie, asked him why he did not have a medical certificate to back up his claim.

He said he didn’t consult a doctor, and performed self-medication.

The judge asked what medicine he took, and the poor guy looked puzzled.

Somebody whispered “Neozep”, which is a popular local medicine for the common cold.

And the poor guy said, “Neozep, your honor”

The Court berated him, and told him Neozep was for colds, as the entire court gallery chuckled. I couldn’t keep myself from laughing, even as I wished I had whispered Diatabs, instead.

The poor guy couldn’t say a thing, and the court told him that next time, it’s better to tell the truth, and ordered the lifting of his warrant of arrest.

Then, the next case was called, and a lawyer, who saw what happened earlier, stood up, his hands shaking, and said.

“Your honor, my client cannot make it today, because

he’s dead.”

A Not so Funny Story from the Philippine Military

I had a delicious snack of pancit habhab with an ex-soldier the other day. He retired in 1998, and naturally, I asked him how it was. He said in Marcos's time, they never had problems about supplies. But thereafter, his fellow soldiers had to live for days inside their foxholes in Davao, with literally nothing. This is of course very curious, as the military budget has been steadily increasing across time from the Marcos era to the present. This conversation reminds me of a post I made sometime in July 2003 after the Oakwood mutiny, in my Rule of Force blog. I am reposting it here with slight revisions to take advantage of the 100 hits a day that I've been getting lately.

I HAD A BOARD MEETING recently in a corporation which has a retired army officer as board member. During the light moments that often precede a corporate meeting, the discussion dwelt on the Oakwood Mutiny and our friend army officer told an anecdote on military corruption.

He said,

During the time when President Ramos was still Chief of Staff, he happened to visit a small army station in the south to inspect his troops in the field. The troops had very little to eat so they served him a variety of sweet potatoes or "camote". The General loved the camotes because it was a special kind, I think the violet variety, and inquired with the men if that was all they had. The troops said, that was all. The general was stricken with pity and resolved to do something for his troops.

When the General got to his headquarters, he decided to send five sacks of rice to the army station in the South.

Of course, when the five sacks of rice got to the regional commander, he thought that it was too much for the station troops. So the regional commander sent only three and kept the two sacks for himself.

When the three sacks got to the detachment commander, he thought that three sacks was too much for the station troops. So he sent only one sack of rice and kept the two.

When the sack of rice got to the provincial commander, he thought that the troops didn't need the rice, because they had enough camotes to eat. So he got the rice and sent only the sack.

When the station troops got the sack, they asked where it came from and found out it came from General Ramos who they remembered loved the camotes so much. They thoiught he was asking for camotes. So they packed the sack with camotes and sent it to the General.

When the sack of camotes got to the provincial commander, he thought sending the camotes to the General was an insult. So he got the camotes and sent a sack of rice instead.

When the sack of rice got to the detachment commander, he thought one sack of rice was too little. So he added two more sacks of rice and sent them to the General.

When the three sacks got to the regional commander, he thought three sacks was also too little so he added two more and sent them to the General.

Finally, the five sacks of rice got to the General, and he wondered how the five sacks of rice he sent to the lowly troops in that station in the south could find their way back to him.

Big numbers for the NPA means it may be time to go.

An ex-NPA cadre told me lately that his former comrades are happy about their stats for the last quarter of 2005. Joma's boys are claiming that they had more than 200 tactical offensives nationwide for the period - their best showing all time. I made a mental count of news reports of NPA atacks, and I figured the claim might be true. This is disturbing, considering that the ideological models for Joma's boys have all failed, and Filipino ideologues should have dropped this foolsih communist experiment by now. Instead, their numbers appear to be growing, while our military is being used by rightist tyrants for cheating elections and mounting soft coups.

What time is it then? It may be time to consider migrating to Canada or elsewhere to be free from the impending disaster. I swear I love this country, but the key players of its present history are all dumb assholes. It's no use. My wife and I are now seriously considering the Canadian alternative. See you all at the embassy.

The City of the Heartless (Makati Myth Part Three)

Everyday someone's house is getting foreclosed by a bank, and it will be matter of time before the house's owner is evicted from his home after foreclosure has commenced. A business gone awry, a partner stealing the profits, or a sudden drop in the dollar exchange -- it doesn't matter what your story is. To Makati banks with branches nationwide and even worldwide, the story is simple: You put your house on the line for loan. You don't pay, you lose your house. End of story.

Since many of the nation's premier banks house their head offices in Makati, a lot of Makati office people work to implement the story of every loan. In good times, people borrow money, banks collect. People borrow again, banks collect again. Happy cycles can be all alike. But once payment is missed, Makati banks rage.

When the peso made the sudden drop from PHP 26 to PHP 40 to a dollar towards the end of the Ramos presidency, Makati fought a war hitherto unknown. It was a war to collect from the losers of the foreign exchange crisis. Businesssmen who hedged on dollar loans doubled their liabilities overnight, and their collaterals became insufficient. Soon they would miss their amortizations. And so, bankers knocked on their doors, peppered them with phonecalls, and congested their beepers. The word of the day was "pay".

Freddie felt the receiving end of this war. A currency trader by profession, Freddie had been the darling of a Makati bank (the “Bank”) during the boom years. The Bank gave him a dollar credit line that he used to settle accounts. He was given 30 day term for his business, and at the end of each term, all he needed to do to renew his line was call, and his line would be revolved. His line was not renewed without his call, and he called only when he needed to do so. He made small margins on his trades. But the heavy volume of trading accounts were worthwhile.

The day the Thai baht (which in better times was trading 1 to 1 with the peso) slid to the dollar, the pressure was on the peso to slide down as well. Elsewhere, Mahathir of Malaysia imposed capital controls to isolate the Ringgit from speculators. In the Philippines, Pres. Ramos maintained his free market philosophy, and shrugged his shoulders as the peso soon tumbled to its all time lowest rate. Freddie saw it coming but the impact on his business caught him unprepared. As days went on, he was down 2 million US dollars on his line. He continued to trade, losing sleep at times but hoping he could recover it inch by inch. Then, he forgot to call. As the term was up on his line, the non-extension of the loan triggered an invoice for payment in a few days. With no inventory in his books, he missed his due date, the first time he ever did.

His default triggered a meeting among the junior and senior officers of the Bank. A month earlier, a simple call from the account officer would have been enough, but then the peso had slid down to PHP 40 to 1. Freddie’s loan was now equivalent to 80 Million pesos, and Freddie was not the only one with that problem.

Freddie was summoned to a meeting in the big board room of the Bank in the main branch in Makati. When he entered the room, six bank officers in nice suits and ties met him, asked him to take his seat right across the air-conditioning and directly against a strong lamp.

“You owe us mister. When will you pay us?” one of the men in suits started.

“I know your family. I can hunt you down,” shouted another.

The meeting went on for an hour, and Freddie was dumbfounded all through out. The group made no physical contact. But they called him names and yelled at him. All Freddie could do was reassure them that he was going to pay. They made him sign documents and post dated checks, as additional assurance that he would pay. Normally, he would have stood up and left the room, but there was something about the strong air-conditioning and the blaring lights caused him to do as he was told. Besides, it was really his loan.

I learned Freddie’s story from Jason, one of the men in suits in that room. Freddie was only one of six other persons who were subjected to the “work-out” meeting that day. It was something that they did on a regular basis on defaulting borrowers, but the Asian crisis, made them do it more frequently than usual. Later, Freddie’s home was foreclosed, and subpoenas for violating the bouncing checks law started to arrive. Freddie became a court regular.

The Bank was just one of the many banks based in Makati that unleashed their army of collectors and lawyers against Freddie and his similarly-situated borrowers. The process was heartless. Bank employees and officers had their jobs on the line, and their orders was not to stop until their banks got their money back one way or another. Some borrowers found a way to fight, employing lawyers adept with the art of delay. Others fled the country. Some ended it all with a bullet in their heads. But Makati's army was not allowed to rest until the debtors paid.

"How does it feel to be always on the wrong side?", a defendant in one of the cases I was handling for one of the banks asked me once. I brushed off the question then; I didn't feel anything. It was a job. Like many others doing work in the financial district, we were trained to think and mute our feelings. If we found a guy who defaulted on his car loan parking the car on the parking lot of a mall, it was automatic to call the sheriff and make sure the car was towed to the bank's garage. If house and lot had been foreclosed, it was automatic to secure a writ of possession and evict anyone found in the house, physically, if necessary. For at the end of the day, lawyers like the rest of the workers of the financial district, would be judged by the value that they bring to their employers. The value that made it possible for the rich to go to their offices in chauffered cars from the manicured lawns of Forbes Park, the value that made it possible for them to stay in the hotels and treat their friends to the big restaurants that only Makati could house, the value that allowed them to pay the brightest executives and lawyers to give their debtors the work-out they deserve, that was the value that mattered.



ONE MORNING AS I entered Makati through the corner of Ayala Avenue and EDSA, the rows of tall buildings on both sides of the avenue revealed themselves as a long dark tunnel. And at the end of the road was the majestic PS Bank Tower, looking like a jewel as it sparkled in the morning sun. It was like a vision from a dream. But not everything is what it appears to be. And most certainly, Makati, enclave of the rich, betrays the eye. Beware the myth that is Makati, for beneath the facade of splendor and wealth is the slow drag of the working class, learning that where the big players play, the small players don’t.

Finding Food in the Financial District (The Makati Myth Part Two)

Back in the mid-90s, the MACEA (the pseudo-government agency regulating the development of Makati) issued a zoning regulation prohibiting the establishment of food stores around the office areas in Makati. This meant that restaurants could not be located where people worked. The restaurants were lined up in and around the old Greenbelt mall. For lunch, the office workers had to walk or take a cab ride to where the food places were.

A group of enterprising people found a loophole in this rule. While restaurants where prohibited in office areas, vans and jeepneys that doubled as food shops were not. So every lunch time, vans and jeepneys would find an open parking space in the back streets, and became makeshift carinderias for the hungry and financialy-challenged urban professional. Hot food in styrofoams, most of the time salty and overcooked but amazingly cheap -- a good deal to buck the MACEA zoning rules.

For my lunch, I joined the secretaries of the firm who lined up for an old lady who sold home-cooked meals wrapped in plastic for thirty bucks to the office staff every lunch break. My favorite was sinigang -- a slice of meat, swamp cabbage, a few other vegetables, and lots of sour soup. The old lady offered the better alternative to the rolling food stores outside the building. And her meals had never triggered an attack of diarrhea, though one could never be too sure. That was fine, but working in a law office meant I had to put in long hours and lunch was not the only meal of the day that I needed to pay for.

Dinner would present another problem. Lawyers in the firm, I was told, stayed after dinner, because that was when the partners got back from their meetings to distribute work among us associates. So in the evenings, I usually went out to the streets to look for a balut vendor. I matched one balut with a pan de coco, and coke - a complete meal that got me ready for the night shift. When balut vendors were scarce, I had Lucky Me noodles as back up. Bulalo, chicken, pork and pancit canton flavors-- they all had one taste: salty.

There would be occasions that somebody would throw a party for the office with catered meals. That was when the office workers got to avenge their hunger during the day. Before the party host could even say “Let’s eat everyone!” somebody had already stashed away food in the fridge for the next day’s lunch. Others would fill up two plates -- one for lunch and another for dinner never minding the stares.

One day one of our bosses treated our group of young lawyers for lunch in a big hotel. Everyone of the group seized the opporunity to order food to their heart’s content -- big servings of steak and salmon, and lots of Japanese sushi. Each had the “Drink of the Month” that went with a free stuffed toy, a luxury that cost PHP 300 a pop. When we got back to the office, the group was chuckling, aware that the meal was a steal, and the boss learned the lesson of his life. “Dare not feed hungry young lawyers in an expensive hotel gratuitously, for you would pay dearly, and they wouldn’t care.”

In those days, Makati probably had the best hotels and restaurants in the country. But if you asked ordinary office workers if they had been to one of them, they would give you a blank stare. An average meal in one of these hotels and restaurants would cost more than a day’s salary. And it was simply idiotic to blow away that money on lunch when they had not earned the full day’s wage. So these hotels and restaurants were like ambitions that got ingrained in the minds of ordinary workers of Makati. One day, they thought, they would have enough money to eat pasta in Italianni’s. Meanwhile, they settled for the rolling stores and the anemic spaghetti in the styro.

(Next post: To work there is to lose your heart)

The Makati Myth (Part One)

In my first year as a law graduate of the Ateneo Law School, which was then located at de la Costa St., Salcedo Village, Makati City, I felt like Kobe Bryant on his first day as a Laker. To many of my generation, Makati was the land where the big people were. Large skycrapers, the Greenbelt Mall, and the imposing enclave of Forbes Park: these were the icons of affluence, and they were in Makati. To be in Makati was to be where the big players play. Yet, on each day of those years, the truth revealed itself about Makati. Beneath the facade of splendor and wealth is the slow drag of the working class, learning that where the big players play, the small players don’t. To get there is a nightmare. To eat there is to scrounge. And most importantly, to work there is to lose your heart.

It was the mid-90s, the heyday of the Ramos Presidency. The stock market was booming, and its boy wizards were sporting RAV4s and GLIs. Shortly after taking the bar, I took employment in a medium-size firm located near the old Ateneo, hoping I could get a piece of the corporate action. Accustomed to going to school in the afternoon on the MMDA Love Bus, I was late on my first day of work. I didn’t know the Love Bus would be scarce in the morning, so I had to take another bus with no air-con, driven by some driver who stopped everytime he saw someone standing on the roadside, even if obviously the person was not taking the bus. I felt my blood rise to my head everytime we stopped. And I would imagine myself kicking the driver off his seat, stepping on the gas and running over all the cars that blocked the bus’s way.

With me on the bus, were equally worried Makati office girls in there neat uniforms, looking at their watches from time to time. Those who could not bare it would alight, and hop on a cab mid-way at stoplight intersections. And all of us left on the bus would send them off with a glance, cursing our fate. By the time, I got to Buendia Ave., (they’ve been trying to make people call Buendia as Gil Puyat Ave., but the name simply refuses to stick), I was fifteen minutes late. I hailed one of those jeepneys plying the Washington St. Bel-Air route, and decided to hang by the rails in my long sleeves and tie. Poise was something I couldn’t afford on my first day of work. Still, I was thirty minutes late.

Going home from Makati after a hard day’s work was reliving the nightmare in the morning in reverse. The buses were packed, and traffic was bad. To negotiate a hundred meter distance in Ayala Avenue would sometimes take more than hour. And since, there was no other way to get home on a budget, there was no choice but fight for space in the bus where you could steal some sleep until you get home. I would often doze off in the bus, and would wake up just in time as the bus would drive by the corner of EDSA and Kamias Road. It was easy to mark the spot, because as the bus would pass by Nepa Q Mart, the air would be enveloped by the stink of that public market, enough to wake me up from whatever dream I had. It was a simple cue: once the air smelled of rotten fish, it was time to go.

This was how my daily routine went until I got my first salary, which helped me afford a cab ride to the office. And cabs were altogether a different game. If you were from Quezon City, and you wanted to go to Makati, the chances of a cab taking you there on a fair meter was one to four. Out of four cabs that you hail, only one would agree to take you there. Worse, the cabs were mostly old rickety Kia Prides or Toyota XEs. They reeked of leaking gas, with air-cons that rarely worked. By the time you alight from one of them, you would smell like you’ve been all over EDSA, sweaty and smelly. Some cabs would take you there at a premium, and if you could afford to burn your lunch money to get to Makati on time, you would have no choice. You get to Makati on time. You skip your lunch or feast on crackers and salty packed noodles.

Going home on a cab from Makati is an equally terrible experience. Very few cabs were willing to take people out of Makati. They preferred people who took cabs to move around Makati; as they could make more rounds, and make more money. And for ladies who manage to get a cab to take them home, sometimes it could get worse, as they end up getting raped or robbed.

That was how it went out there in Makati, enclave of the rich. The rich took their chauffered cars. The poor took the public transport that sucked. To get to Makati and enter its streets in the pre-MRT days, you had to hurdle the oppressive conditions of traffic and the madness of bus and jeepney drivers. If you had extra cash, you could take a chance on a cab, assuming you find one willing to take you there.

(Part Two: To eat there is to scrounge)

Is the overseas remittance business being used to launder money?

I do not have the slightest idea, but the largely unregulated “padala” system is the perfect scheme for laundering illegal money, and this could all be done with the convenience of a telephone. A money launderer, for example, who wants to bring his money to Italy, can set up an office in Italy to receive remittances from Filipinos there. His Italian office will receive money from workers and then convey the message to the Manila office, which holds the hot cash. Then, the Manila office will deliver the amount equivalent to the one delivered to the Italian office to the family of the overseas worker for a fee. And presto! The money delivered in the Italian office is clean and ready to be deposited in a European bank. If the money launderer wants to spread his hot cash abroad, all he has to do is set up another office in another country, and he will have his hot money wherever he wants. Is this how easy it is? Unless the government regulates remittance companies, especially those operated outside the banking system, it’s as simple as calling on the phone.

Aphorisms on Unity as a Paradigm of Power

1. Power is a product of consensus. The majority does not act until the minority agrees. There is no minority or majority rule. There is only the rule of the united.

2. Unity is the fruit of sacrifice, and sacrifice, love.

3. The be all and end all of power is unity. Power is used only if it fosters unity; otherwise, it is not used at all.

4. The interest of the majority and the interest of the minority is the interest of unity.

5. In dissent, there is a fundamental affirmation that we are one. Agreement is a product of dissent and dialogue. It is the constant dissent and dialogue that leads to unity.

6. The medium and the message of power is unity.

7. Everyone has a place in this world. It is the failure and refusal to recognize this truth that led the world to wars. There is no peace unless there is unity.

8. Modern society's gravest sin is the marginalization of the minority. When the minority is unhappy, society is ill. The minority will be driven to violence. And the majority will respond with even more violence. It is an endless cycle unless the majority and the minority see dissent as an opportunity for dialogue. The fruit of dialogue is respect and understanding. The fruit of respect and understanding is unity. The fruit of unity is peace.

What are you singing on New Year's Eve?

After agonizing over the PHP 11,800 cost of a Magic Sing, which we resolved by splitting the amount into the number of users, our household has been caught by the karaoke bug. My sisters and children have been belting out the the songs of their lives day in and day out. My average sleep per day fell way below the average of the entire year this Christmas Week, while beer consumption and fat intake jumped to its highest in the past two years. You might want to call this phenomenon the Magic Mic Effect. Well, that is not yet a problem, until we get a demand letter from the neighbors or a cease and desist order from the Pollution Adjudication Board (for noise pollution). Never mind, for as we approach New Year's Eve, yodelling on the Magic Mic while torturing people's ears is much better than lighting firecrakers and losing a few fingers in the process.

So, what am I singing on New Year's Eve? Here is my Top Ten:

1. La Vida Lawyer (ehr, Loca) by Ricky Martin

One day I would set this tune to lyrics I made up for my use alone

2. Save the Last Dance for Me by Michael Buble

Hurrah for the baritones! You can dance the cha-cha on the side.

3. The Impossible Dream

This one is to remind me that singing is also an art.

4. We Didn't Start the Fire by Billy Joel

Tip: change the line "JFK blown away" to "GMA go away" and get charged with sedition.

5. Ang Huling El Bimbo by the Eraserheads

I've been trying to hard to beat Rico J. Puno and Ely Buendia, but the highest score the Magic Mic could give me is 65 on the amateur level. They should have another score for soul singing -- you score by sounding like a departed soul.

6. My Way by Paul Anka

To avoid the crowd walking out on you, sing the lyrics backwards -- as in, "Way My it did I!"

7. Copacabana by Barry Manilow

To remind me that I used to like mushy songs by mushy singers before I graduated to Gorillaz.

8. My Girl by the Temptations

For my daughter, Tressa, to keep from wanting another and save my wife the trouble of another pregnancy.

9. Each Day with You by Martin Nievera

For the wife whom I married on Valentine's day 1998. You should try it one day, and buy only one gift for Valentine's and wedding anniversaries forever.

10. What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong

To remind me that there is hope in the world, bad presidents and all.

Happy New Year Everybody!

Merry Christmas Everybody!

"For God so love the world that He gave His only begotten son so that who ever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life..." Let's party, we're saved! from Hans, Marvin, Tressa, Ces, Justin and Juancho Aceron.

La Vida Lawyer Mugs to Friends

Email me. Link to me. Post a comment. I have a few more left. It's free. Shipping not included.

My Reading Backlog

A couple of months ago, I made the rounds on the bookstores and stacked up my reading list. Titles on Philippine history dominated the list. These titles eventually helped me put up the series of posts on Andres Bonifacio and Gomburza. I was getting ready for Rizal's trial and got myself some Rizal biographies and Fr. Horacio de la Costa's translation of the Rizal Trial transcripts, but the material is gripping and I am outraged. I guess I will have to postpone that for later. Meanwhile, a pile of books has been left out. and I plan to indulge in them during the holidays and probably the next 365 days.

1. Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell by Suzana Clarke (Fiction)

Academically-inclined 19th Century magicians meet Mr. Norrell who wants to practice the profession. Then another talented practical magician, Jonathan Strange, shows up and starts a rivalry/alliance. I need complete free day to finish this. I hope I find one soon before they turn this into a movie.

2. I am Charlotte Simmons by Tom Wolfe (Fiction)

American university life as told by Tom Wolfe. I'm now on the chapter about college basketball, and I find a strong resemblance with Philippine universitites. Not to be read while waiting for your turn in the bank. You'd look stupid laughing alone. Guards might take you for a fool, or so I learned.

3. Guns, Germs, and Steel by Jared Diamond (Non-fiction)

UCLA professor Jared Diamond discusses why history unfolded differently on different continents. I've read a few chapters already and found it very amusing.

4. Collapse by Jared Diamond (Non-fiction)

Jared Diamond discusses how societies choose to collapse or fail. The book helps me in analyzing, which direction the Philippines would go.

6. Invented Eden by Jessica Hagedorn (Fiction)

The Tasaday tribe story as a novel.

7. Invented People by Robin Hemley (Non-fiction)

The Tasaday tribe story by a journalist.

8. Discipline and Punish/ The Birth of the Prison by Michel Foucault (non-fiction)

The history of corporal punishment in France as only Foucault could tell it. Boy, our prisoners are lucky. According to Foucault, in the old days in France, they'd tear up the flesh of prisoners and parade them in public.

9. Last Temptation of Christ by Nikos Kazantsakis (fiction)

Nikos Kazantsakis's novel on the divinity and humanity of Christ. I am hoping it would remove the bitter aftertaste that The Da Vinci Code left me.

10. The Poetry of Pablo Neruda (Poetry)

Hopefully, I could snatch a few lines to woo the wife. :-)

What's on your reading list? Free La Vida Lawyer mug if you drop me a few lines. Offer ends on Christmas day. Shipping not included.

My Favorite Bad Movies

It just occured to me that I could name more favorite bad movies than favorite good movies. These are films I watched as a kid frequenting Ali Mall on weekends with PHP 20 pabaon from my Dad. Movies were cheap at PHP 5.50 for orchestra seats, and pop corn was just PHP 2. The Filipinos were then on the the Guinnes Book of World records for watching an average of 19 films a year. I can’t believe we feasted on this junk for years. But hey, I must say I enjoyed them. Here is my favorite bad movies list:

10. Tartan - A Vic Sotto starrer a la Tarzan, where they had villagers speaking in a strange language in which the syllables “sepe” were added to each word in the Tagalog sentence. Famous line “ Gasepego pasepela kasepeyo ehsepe!” Go figure.

9. Mong --A comics to movie flick, introducing six foot eight Bonnie de Jesus about a basketball player who can’t shoot. Famous scene: Mong’s dad rents a prostitute to get his son “baptized”. Dad gets tittilated listening to the moans of the girl in the room. But camera shows prostitute scratching Mong’s back wth a big wooden fork (the kind you get from Baguio City to hang on your wall) and begging to stop because she’s too tired to go on.

8. Tres Moskiteros at si Ako -- Tito Vic & Joey with the late Maria Teresa Carlson were on this film. The three comedians do not act as musketeers except for the last ten minutes of the movie, which was shot in an “old kingdom” set to justify the title. Famous scene: Tito Sotto making a shaking gesture with his right hand and obscene face contortions. Nova Villa comes in the room and asks what is he doing. He says “Nagbabate.” And then the camera zooms out to reveal Tito beating eggs for breakfast.

7. Six Million Centavo Man -- This is a Chiquito starrer ripping-off Lee Majors’s Six Million Dollar Man. Chiquitto gets bionic abilities after an operation that cost Six Million Centavos. They showed surgery being done on what was obviously a dead pig being passed off as Chiquito’s tummy.

6. Hot Dog - Another Tito, Vic, and Joey starrer about an enchanted dog with golden feces. Highlight of the film is when the dog demonstrates his golden abilities as Tito Vic and Joey cheer on the side “Echas! Echas! Echas pa!”

5. Starzan - Joey de Leon takes the lead here with Chitae (Rene Requiestas) and Zsa Zsa Padilla. In the film, Zsa Zsa gives birth to a baby while moaning “It’s coming! It’s coming!”, and Joey looks on and says “It’s showing! It’s showing!”

4. Zuma - Max Laurel plays the fabled snake man of Filipino comics donning green paint all over his body and two mechanical snakes hanging over his neck. He gets a woman pregnant, who then undergoes an operation to abort the fetus. But during the operation, the fetus jumps from one woman to another and finds another hostess, who eventually gives birth to Galema, Zuma’s daughter.

3. For Your Height Only -- Weng Weng plays Agent 00, a secret police agent barely three feet tall. The film is now internationally hailed as one of the best bad movies ever. Highlight of the film is Weng Weng, looking scared stiff, with two burning fire extinguishers hanging on his back flying supposedly to go after the bad guys.

2. Pete Matipid -- Another Chiquito movie based on his TV show where he plays Pete, the miser. Meal time with Pete is amazingly cheap as he takes out fried chicken hanging on a string from a closet. Tintoy, his perennial side kick, tries to get a slice of the chicken, but is stopped by Chiquito, saying to save the chicken, they will only smell it, and eat only the rice.

1. Working Boys -- Tito, Vic, and Joey star again in this all gags ending in sort of kidnapping movie. The trio play the role of utility men. One of them plays a barber. At the start of the film, a customer asks if he could get a haircut and was asked to wait outside. At various points of the movie, he asks if he could get his turn but is made to wait again until he is remembered at the end of the film with an overgrowth of hair and beard and looking like a monster. i still see the actor who played this character in Timog Avenue, Quezon City with his long hair.

Can you name me your favorite bad movie? I promise to give a limited edition La Vida Lawyer coffee mug (shipping not included) to the best replies to this post with your favorite bad movies. Drop me a few lines, with the title of the film, the actors and a short summary of what was it about. You can also link to posts on your own blogs. This contest is open to all. But if you're living abroad, you have to find a way to pick up the mugs from my office in Quezon City. Contest ends on Christmas day Philippine time. Cheers!

Pop Month in La Vida Lawyer: The Eraserheads Tribute

It’s the merry month of Christmas, traditionally a tough time for La Vida Lawyer (what with all his inaanaks knocking), but for this month I’ll tune out of politics past and present, and indulge in pop culture. Warning: even my wife disagrees, violently at times, with my taste.

As I post this blog, the Ultraelectromagnetic Jam album is playing on ITunes. This is a tribute to the Eraserheads, the phenomenal Philippine rock band who broke up four years ago. The new album has young bands and singers doing cover versions of staple Eraserheads songs. And I am proud to say that I am not disappointed with this project; in fact, I am well pleased. When I inserted the CD on the Mac, ITunes recognized it immediately and fetched the track names. It is curious that the songs have been classified as “World” music, which probably means that the album is going to be marketed abroad.

The album opens with “Alapaap” by 6 Cycle Mind. I have to confess that I have not heard of this band, but they do a pretty good rendition here. They added a new guitar track and some percussion in the opening dreamy sequences before the song flies off with the guitar loops on the first verse. In the bridge, where we used to hear Ely going pa pa ra pa pa, we hear a lead guitar doing the notes instead, before the vocals modulate. Geez, that sure works.

Paolo Santos does “Magasin” in the second track. He uses the guitar lead to introduce the song on the C, E, Am, F F minor chord progression, in place of the “Hoo Hoo” vocal track. Its amusing, even more so when he adds a few more notes when the song reaches the bridge. Ely and Paolo both have high octave male voices, so Paolo breezes thru this one with ease, but really the wonder of this version is the song itself, about seeing one’s ex-girlfriend becoming a pin up girl for a porno magazine. This is way off Paolo’s clean image as a singer-songwriter, but he manages to sing this song well with his image intact.

Imago does “Spoliarum” in the third track. The song originally appeared in the Sticker Happy album, which I think is the album where the Eraserheads managed to hit the perfect balance between artistic integrity and commercial viability. Imago does a good job here too with a lady vocal. Frankly, I’m still wondering what the song means, if it has any meaning to begin with.

Kitchie Nadal was fun to hear in Ligaya (track 7) as she breaks out in laughter while singing the line “ilang ahit pa ba ang aahitin”. Funny, the line still fits even if a woman is singing it. Francis M., does great work in “Superproxy” (track 9). He gives it enough energy probably more explosive than that of Ely’s.

Orange and Lemons, the band responsible for that “Pinoy Ako” hit song, sings “Huwag Kang Matakot” in Track 10. This song originally appeared in Natin 99 Album, just before the turn of the millennium, with the Eraserheads music going a little bit on the weird side with their experimentations on electronica. “Huwag Kang Matakot” was the most accessible in that Natin 99 album, and I believe it was there to make the album commercially viable. As a pop song, “Huwag Kang Matakot” had great possibilities and a real infectious hook. Orange and Lemons gives the song a little updating here. They cleaned up the sound by using acoustic string guitar for the riffs. In the bridge part, they inserted, some loops from Julie Tearjerky, another EHeads hit, and they clipped out some words from the chorus while inserting lyrics from “Tikman”, all in a playful manner. Great effort by Orange and Lemons, even better than the original.

The highlight of this album is track 15, where Rico J. Puno, the total entertainer, does his own version of “Ang Huling El Bimbo.” Rico J. Puno is an institution in the Philippine music industry with his signature raspy and soulful voice. And I’m pretty sure, the Eraserheads in their youth knew “Kapalaran”, Rico J.’s signature song, by heart. To have him sing what probably is the most popular Eraserheads song ever -- it even got an MTV Asia Music Video Award -- is the best proof that the Eraserheads and their music form a watershed of artistry in the Philippine pop music scene. When I learned that Rico Puno was signing “El Bimbo”, I imagined him breaking into his signature “baby baby" belting in the third verse of the song that goes “ sa panaginip na lang pala kita maisasayaw”. But instead, he restrains himself a bit and opts for a cool classic delivery. No problem with that. I guess Rico J. Puno has matured.

The album ends with “Para sa Masa” sang by most, if not all, of the artists appearing in the album a la “We are the World” The song is Ely’s lamentation and despair for the band’s effort and failure (?) to lift the masses and their musical taste. Rico J. Puno does the line “Pinilit kong ihaon ka. Ngunit ayaw mo namang sumama.” Great song, a fitting end to a great tribute to the most successful Pinoy Rock Band in history.

To conclude, new and upcoming singers should mine the Eraserheads back catalogue of songs that deserve fresh interpretation: Bogchi Hokbu, Kailan, Playground, Combo on the Run, Tindahan ni Aling Nena, even the Eraserheads’ Christmas Album Fruitcake, and many more. There is one Eraserheads song, Casa Fantastica, which appeared in the 1998 concept album about the Philippine Centennial which should also be unearthed. Those songs are real gems, a true affirmation of what NVM Gonzalez used to say that there is genius in the Filipino race.


Check out the review of the Tribute/Launching Concert of the album held in UP from Katie's site.

21st Century Lawyer Notes on the Bonifacio Trial

The common verdict of historians is that Bonifacio had a mock trial. There are various reasons cited, e.g. Andres’s counsel Placido Martinez was also a judge, the accused did not have a chance to cross-examine the witnesses against them, the prosecutor asked leading questions, etc.. I do agree with some of them. But let me add a few more reasons to show why the trial was indeed a sham.


1. There was no law against treason.

Whenever confronted with a legal problem, lawyers have a common first impulse. They check the law. And we look at the trial of the Bonifacio brothers, and we find no reference to any law or edict that defined the crime and specified the penalty charged against the Bonifacio Brothers. The Tejeros Convention was an election, but there was no governing law that defined the powers of the elected officials and governed the conduct of citizens. That’s why when the prosecutor asked whether the accused knew if there was a government there, they had to say no. Sure, there was a president, but what were the powers of the President? What was his basis for saying he could do this and that as president. There may have been a president, but surely without laws, there was no government. Where was it written that Bonifacio could not carry a gun? There was a revolution going on, everybody had to carry a gun. How could a trial be fair when there was no law on which the accused is going to be tried?

A dictatorial government would have sufficed at that point. Aguinaldo could have claimed, “I am a dictator, whatever I say is the law.” That would have saved the day. At the very least, all that he needed to do was publish his laws. “It is treason to plot against the President, and it is punishable by death.” That would have given the Bonifacio brothers and all the men under them a fair chance, for at least there was a common measure by which all those ruled could judge their conduct, and Bonifacio and his counter-revolutionary plots would have been justly punished. Yet, Aguinaldo would only think about law and governance much later on with Apolinario Mabini on his side. In the meantime, he had to charge Bonifacio with the crime of treason and sedition, when Aguinaldo himself did not define what constituted the crime of treason and sedition and the punishment for such acts. Bonifacio could have lit a cigar; and without any law but the barrel of his gun, Aguinaldo could have cried that was treason, too. What chance did the Bonifacio brothers have?

2. The Council of War lost jurisdiction on the venue of the crime.

The second point is a little bit technical. It is an elementary principle in criminal law that jurisdiction in criminal law is territorial. Simply put, a government can enforce its criminal laws only in territories were it exercises sovereignty. A murder in Japan, for example, may not be tried and punished in the Philippines. In the same way, a murder in Manila may not be tried and punished in Japan. In the case of Bonifacio, the acts charged against him were all committed in territories where Aguinaldo’s forces have lost jurisdiction, as they have fallen to Spanish hands while the trial was ongoing. Indang and Naik fell. Daniel Tirona and his lawyer candidate Jose del Rosario surrendered to the Spaniards as San Francisco de Malabon fell. What then was the basis of the criminal jurisdiction that Aguinaldo was enforcing against the Brothers Bonifacio when Aguinaldo himself had lost power over Indang and Naik where Bonifacio’s alleged crimes were committed? As a matter of fact, Aguinaldo’s government itself was on the run against the Spanish Army which at the time of the trial already exercised sovereignty over those territories. After Naik and Indang fell, any treason committed there could only be committed against, and tried and punished by the Spanish Army. Aguinaldo had lost power to try and punish Bonifacio’s crime, if indeed, there was a crime.

Given that there was no governing law and that Aguinaldo had lost jurisdiction over the crime, what was the trial for? This reminds of a common government tactic we find nowadays. Whenever a government executive wants to do something that is not popular, somebody would file a court case, and then there would be court order telling the executive what to do. So whenever there was a backlash, the executive would say, oh it’s not me, it’s the court.

Look at Aguinaldo after Bonifacio’s death. Aguinaldo could always point to the Council of War that decided on the death penalty and the generals, Pio del Pilar and Mariano Noriel, who persuaded him to reverse his pardon. I could almost hear him saying, “Don’t blame me, it’s the Council of War… it’s del Pilar… it’s Noriel…it’s….” Hail Aguinaldo! The father of legal ruse.

I was toying with the idea, what if I were Bonifacio’s counsel, what would I have said in that trial? Well, points one and two above, and then probably, a little speech that would appeal to the interest of the Council of War. The Aguinaldo magic was a myth. The early victories were getting reversed. The revolution in Cavite was about to fail. Meanwhile, Bonifacio still had clout outside Cavite. Bonifacio could still save the revolution. Bonifacio had Batangas. Bonifacio had the rest of the Tagalog region in his wings. While Cavite was falling, the rest of the nation was still at war. The Katipunan was still in place. And if the Cavitenos failed, the revolution was still on in other parts of the Tagalog region, and they could be relied upon as sanctuary for the weary Cavitenos, including the members of he Council of War. Besides, what was the risk on Bonifacio, he had not even won a battle? But he was great organizer and his organization was still in place. That’s why it was to the interest of the Council of War to let Bonifacio go and re-organize the Katipunan elsewhere outside Cavite.

I don’t know if that would have worked. Maybe not, but all that is academic now, because we already know that after Bonifacio’s death, the revolution would be dissipated, and Aguinaldo would opt for a settlement with Spain, brokered by Pedro Paterno in Biak-na-Bato.

For further reading, do check out the following books:

Teodoro Kalaw's "The Court Martial of Andres Bonifacio",
Teodoro Agoncillo’s Revolt of the Masses, Adrian Cristobal’s, The Tragedy of the Revolution, Abraham Sarmiento’s Andres Bonifacio: the Appeal, Memoirs of Artemio Ricarte, and Ambeth Ocampo’s Bones of Contention. These are all in circulation.

Trial of Andres Bonifacio Part Six: The Execution

In the morning of May 10, 1897, the Castillians were on the offensive in their quest to recover territories from the revolutionaries. Maragondong, the seat of Aguinaldo’s power, was the next in line. The Spaniards moved their cannons and pointed them towards Maragondong. Meanwhile, in the town, Mariano Noriel called for Major Lazaro Makapagal. Makapagal reported in his uniform to Noriel.

Then, Noriel handed over to Makapagal, erstwhile a secretary of the Council of War, a packet. Noriel instructed Makapagal to take four soldiers from Colonel Ritual and bring the brothers Bonifacio with them to Mt.Tala and not open the packet until he reached the mountain. Upon arrival, he was asked to open the packet and read aloud its contents to the two prisoners and obey the instructions strictly. It was to be done with dispatch, because the Spaniards were at the gates.

Good soldier that he was, Makapagal obeyed the instructions. On their way to Tala, the brothers asked whether they were going to be shot. Makapagal replied that he was just taking them away from the fighting.

When they reached the foot of Mt.Buntis, the brothers implored him to open the packet. When he complied, he found a letter,in which the following was written,

Major Makapagal,

In accordance with the order of the Council of War held at Maragondong on May 8, against the brothers Andres and Procopio Bonifacio, who have been sentenced to be shot to death, you and your soldiers under you are ordered to carry out the judgment. I am informing you that any failure to do your duty will be penalized to the fullest severity of the Spanish military law. God will take care of you for a long time.

Mariano Noriel

Procopio stood up and cried, “Naku kuyang!” Andres fell to his knees and tried to embrace Makapagal, and cried, “Kapatid, patawarin mo ako.”

Makapagal then cried, “Peloton! Preparen! Carguen, Armas! When the brothers heard the cocking of the guns, they fell silent. Then Makapagal faced Procopio, and said, “Defrenten, Mar!” and pointed him to the woods, they followed a trail and there they shot Procopio.

Lazaro Makapagal then turned to Andres who went down on his knees and begged for forgiveness. “Kapatid, patawarin mo ako!” Andres said. Makapagal replied “Wala akong magagawa.”

Then, Andres stood up and ran to the woods to escape. Makapagal and his soldiers followed. Near the big stream at the junction of a creek, Andres was shot. He stopped, reeled and fell dead. The soldiers then dug a shallow hole and buried Andres Bonifacio. Makapagal placed a few twigs. It was all over in a few hours.

On his way down, Makapagal met Gregoria de Jesus who asked him where he took the two men. He replied that they left them in the hills near Tala. “You can inquire from the chieftain there in whose care we left the two.”

Gregoria replied, “If that is so, why do you have his clothes?”

Makapagal replied, “He requested me to tell you to bring them to him yourself. ”

Gregoria left him and proceeded to look for her husband. She looked for them for two weeks but never found them.

Up to the present, Bonifacio’s bones have not been found.


In his memoirs, Santiago Alvarez recalls a different version of the execution as related by Lazaro Makapagal, as follows,


"After I read the order to the prisoners, Procopio wept, embraced Andres and asked, 'Kuya, what are we to do?' Andres did not say a word. He bowed his head and sobbed while tears welled in his eyes and rolled down in his cheeks. Not able to bear it, I turned my back and when I faced them again, the deed was done. My men had fired the shots and the poor Bonifacio brothers were prostrate and dead." (translated from Tagalog by Paula Carolina S. Malay published by Ateneo de Manila Press in 1992)


Next post: My legal notes on the Trial of Andres Bonifacio

Andres Bonifacio Trial Part V: Council of War's verdict -- Guilty!

After the completion of the trial the previous day, the Council of War, its President, Mariano Noriel, and his colleagues, Tomas Mascardo and Esteban Ynfante, met and studied the records of the trial on May 6, 1897. The issues were threshed out, and the decision was voted upon as follows:

1. Andres Bonifacio knew of the existence of a Government of the Philippnes (Sangkatagakluagan) and of its location in the province.

2. Mr. Andres had no permission to hold arms and to assemble soldiers as well as take prisoners from the village of Limbon.

3. Mr. Andres together with his bothers Procopio and Ciriaco ordered their soldiers to commence rapid firing should the soldiers of the Government arrive.

4. Andres enticed the commanders of the soldiers of the Government to go over to his side together with their arms.

5. Andres gave money to the said commanders at the town of Naik.

6. Mr. Andres and his brothers fought the soldiers of the Government and the first one shot was Ciriaco and because of the shots they fired, two soldiers of the Government were killed.

7. In staying in the village of Limbon and in gathering troops , the intention of Andres as well as his brother was to rebel against the Government.

8. Andres and Procopio on account of their unfortunate deeds deserve the punishment of death.

9. The soldiers and commanders who acquiesced to the plot of the brothers Andres Procopio and Ciriaco deserve no punishment but for them to join the army that they might do what is proper in the barracks as well as in battle.

10. It would be proper to give support to the families of the two soldiers who died.

11. The said support should be demanded from Andres and Procopio, aside from the pension given to the families of soldiers who die in combat.

The statement and judgment was signed by Mariano Noriel, Sulpicio Antnoy. T. Mascardo, Crisostomo Riel and Estevan Ynfante. Mariano Noriel forwarded the records to Gen. Emilio Aguinaldo who referred the sme to Judge Advocate General Baldomero Aguinaldo who agreed with the punishment imposed by the Council. Baldomero then said that it should be Emilio who should decide.

When Emilio Aguinaldo received the verdict, he commuted it to banishment. But according to Emilio Aguinaldo, “As soon as General Mariano Noriel, General Pio del Pilar … learned of this (commutation), they called my attention and said, “if you want to maintain the stability of our Revolutionary Government and if you wish tht we should stay alive, please withdraw your edict for those brothers.” Because of this, I withdrew and assigned General Noriel to follow the verdict of the Council of War, to shoot the brothers for the good of the country.”

In the next post, the execution of Andres and Procopio Bonifacio.
(To be continued)

Placido Martinez, counsel of Andres Bonifacio, to the Council of War: Forgive him.

In part one , the Tejeros Convention, part two , Pedro Giron's testimony, part three Andres Bonifacio's testimony, now in this part, we witness the conclusion of the investigation and the trial.

On May 4, 1897, the Investigating Officer Pantaleon Garcia made a report of the proceedings and submitted it to Gen. Emilio Aguinalo, who immediately endorsed the same to Gen. Baldomero Aguinaldo. Pantaleon’s report stated, among others that based on reports, Andres was gathering soldiers in Limbon without permission and taking prisoners those who refused to join him, and in order to look into the truth of the matter, it was ordered that soldiers be sent at once to the village to reconnoiter, and when they returned they were greeted by gunfire, and they likewise answered in kind. Ciriaco was the first to open fire. Pantaleon further reported that,

“ The argument of the brothers, Andres and Procopio, that they did not know that there was a Government here cannot be accepted because of the testimony of the soldiers of Andres, who had earlier testified that there was a Government here and the Highest Executive Head was M. Emilio Aguinaldo, and besides this the aforementioned Mr. Andres testified that he was one of those conferees at Tejeros which was held there, and he induced Pedro Giron to assassinate Mr. Emilio, the President, and in truth he gave this Giron ten pesos to carry out the evil orders, so that he might come out President.

“Also induced were the officers of the soldiers here to join him, together with those he was commanding and regarding this matter those who can testify are Mr. Pio del Pilar, Colonel Ritual, and others, because they testified in the presence of many”

On May 5, 1897, Gen. Mariano Noriel called the meeting of the Council of War. The accused were present with their designated counsels, Placido Martinez and Teodoro Gonzalez, for Andres and Procopio, respectively. From the records, it seems that, no more testimonies were taken during the hearing, other than a short speech by Andres that was interrupted by the Council of War. The highlights of the hearing were the speeches of the counsels of the accused. A curious note is Placido Martinez, Andres's counsel, who delivered his defense for Andres and likewise acted as member of the Council of War.

The first to speak was the prosecutor, Mr. Jose Elises. Citing Pedro Giron's testimony, he charged Andres with plotting to overthrow the revoluionary government and the assassination of Emilio Aguinaldo -- the Supreme President. He blamed Andres for the death of the two government soliders and asked for the death penalty by musketry in a public place, five rounds each for him and brother Procopio from a distance of ten paces.

Then, Placido Martinez, Andres’s counsel, spoke for his client, as follows:

“The word to defend or protect, does not seem to apply remotely to Mr. Andres Bonifacio, on account of the evil and detestable deeds he had done, and if there is a severe punishment other than death, such may be properly be meted out to him; because to desire the assassination of our Supreme President of the Tagalog Region is just like desiring the murder of all of us; and it is obvious from this that he does not know how to sympathize with us who are of the same blood, his brothers and fellow countrymen; but it is undeniable to your exceeding goodness that we are brothers to error so that we are always supported by counsel

In this matter and in accordance with the things which happened to the aforementioned unfortunate Bonifacio when wounded, he was arrested at the town of Yndang when he was stripped of his clothes and the little that he carried with him was seized from him, it seems this is enough for the wrong he had done, and if this is not yet enough may the court listen for a while to what follows.

Is it not true that in our Kartilla or in the teaching followed by the Katipunan it is commanded that we love our fellowmen as we love ourselves?

Is it not true that our Lord Christ, although punished and killed by the Jews, asked our God the Father to forgive those who had done such to him?

And who are we, mere earthly beings, not to forgive our kind?

For the sake of all of these, I am asking that Mr. Andres Bonifacio be forgiven the transgressions he had committed, so that, if this were done, we may follow what we utter in saying “our Father” to forgive, our Gd, our sins as we forgive those who transgress against us…”

Before he ended his speech, Andres’s counsel commented on Col. Agapito Bonson’s attempts to rape Gregoria de Jesus. “…if there is truth in this (the rape attempts), I should be meted out the proper puisment, but if this is only an empty accusation, do what is proper, because this is a lsur on an officer like the said Bonson who has up to now shown stern devotion.”

Teodoro Gonzales, Procopio’s counsel, argued that Procopio should be excluded from the punishment recommend by the fiscal as Procopio testified that he induced no one, he was not a party to the plans of Andres and he did not make a stand at the time of fighting.

Andres asked that he be allowed to speak. When he was granted the permission, he repeated his earlier testimony, and thereafter, the council forbade him to go on at the request of the audience. The proceedings were thereafter suspended. The minutes of the hearing were signed by Mariano Noriel, Mariano Riego de dios, Crisostomo Riel, Estevan Ynfante, T. Mascardo, Sulpicio Antony, and Placido Martinez

In the continuation -- the ruling of the Council of War.

Andres Bonifacio Trial: I didn't fire a bullet. Aguinaldo was not validly elected.

In part one, we went through the proceedings at the Tejeros Convention. In part two , we read the testimony of Pedro Giron, the witness who accused Andres Bonifacio of paying Giron ten pesos to assassinate Emilio Aguinaldo. In this entry, we shall read the transcribed testimony of Andres Bonifacio.

I am tempted to re-write it a bit to make it easier to read, but I shall restrain myself in order that we may hear Andres Bonifacio, (codename Maypag-asa) himself in his moment of darkness:


The town of Maragondon, today the fourth of May of the year one thousand eight hundred and ninety-seven. Before the Colonel Judge Advocate and myself, the Secretary, appeared the person of Andres Bonifacio, thirty-three years old, married, native of the town of Tondo in the Province of Manila, whose office is that of President of the Revolution and head of the Katipunan, and in order to make the proper investigation, he was asked if he knew that here in this province there is a revolutionary government, and he answered that he did not know.

Asked if he knew that here in this province of Tanguay (Cavite) there is an army, he answered that he knew and that there were many officers like General Santiago (Alvarez), General Emilio (Aguinaldo), General Pio (del Pilar) and General Ricarte.

Asked if the witness had authority over the government of this province, he answered that he could not say whether or not he had because he had no information even about the founding of the said new government.

Asked if his having stopped at Limbon within the jurisdiction of Yndan (Indang) had the permission of the government, he answered that the Ministers of Magdiwang had information regarding his departure from Yndan (Indang) on his way home to Manila but on account of the absence of a guide who could show the way he had to stop at Limbon.

Asked if he had the permission of this government to assemble bolomen as well as riflemen at the said village of Limbon, he answered that because, as he had already said, he did not know of any other government, for this reason he was not able to report the assembling of his true soldiers whom he contributed here, but it was the Council of Magdiwang through its President who returned said soldiers to him.

Asked the number of his guns gathered together at the village of Limbon, he answered that he sent fifty guns here to help save the situation, but he carried none to Limbon except the seventeen Remington and the few other guns of various make.

Asked if among the said guns there were those which bore the mark of Magdalo, he answered that he did not remember the mark but he had full confidence that those were his because those who verified this were the holders of the guns.

Asked to name the person in charge of his soldiers who removed the mark, he answered that there was no one in charge.

Asked if he knew Pedro Giron, Benito Torres, Mr. Pio del Pilar and Mr. Modesto Ritual, he answered that he knew all of them.

Asked if he remembered that he wrote letters to the said gentlemen in order to have them transfer the guns to the village of Limbon and to join him, he answered that he wrote to no one on the matter being asked about.

Asked if in the days when he was at Limbon there had always been meetings and with whom he had been meeting, he answered that so far as he rembered he had met with no one outside the men who were with him.

Asked if he remembered how many times he met with Pedro Giron in order to ask him to assassinate the President of this Government, he answered that he had not conferred even once with the said person on the matter being asked about.

Asked if he remembered, too, that at Naik he gave money to the officers of the soldiers in order to transfer the riflemen to the witness, he answered that in the name of the Magdiwang and according to the promise of the Minister of Finance and the Minister of War, Mr. Diego Moxika (Mojica) and Ariston Villanueva, to the officers and men of the troops who helped in the battles at Noveleta and Malabon, said troops, as well as the so-called Balara men, were to be rewarded, for their sacrifice, the sum of two hundred pesos in the presence of many witnesses, together with instructions to the officers to whom the money was given to distribute this to the men and to inform General Emilio about it, but outside of this he had not given money to anyone, particularly in the matter being asked about.

Asked if Mr. Diego Moxika (Mojica), Mr. Ariston Villanueva, Mr. Silvestre Domingo and one named Santos were always meeting with the witness, together with his brothers, in the village of Limbon, he answered that Mr. Silvestre Domingo, Santos and Diego Moxika (Mojica), as he recalled, only happened to pass by there on their way to Buenavista, but he did not confer with them except for a few words of conversation exchanged in front of the owner of the house and except for the greetings customary among acquaintances.

Asked if at the time when the riflemen passed the village of Limbon in accordance with the orders of this province, the witness as well as his brothers ordered his soldiers that if on returning they did not stop after three shouts of those guarding the trenches being constructed, nor obey, they should be fired upon immediately, he answered that when the riflemen arrived at the house of the witness they were observed to have surrounded the said house, they were seen by almost all of the inhabitants of the village, and the officer leading the said soldiers, who was allegedly a Colonel, asked for permission to speak with him (Bonifacio) and when he (the colonel) came up the house he said he surrounded the house on account of the news he received in town that the men he was leading would be ambushed by the men of the witness at the Pass where they would go through; but when he realized that the news was false, seeing that no one was lying in waif for him there and the men were in their respective houses, the said Colonel apologized for his having surrounded the house and he was forgiven by the witness. This (incident) was disregarded by the witness, it being considered the fabrication of secret agents or of the enemy, so that the Colonel was not allowed to leave until he had sat down at their table, and when they (the Colonel and his men) said that their mission was to reconnoiter they were given packs of cigarettes and they parted peacefully; but shortly after his departure, one of the soldiers of the witness said that a trench in the outer area was closed allegedly on orders of the officer of the soldiers who had passed and that he had left instructions that no one should be allowed to go out among the soldiers of th witness. The next thing said by the man who came was that the guns of the soldiers who had gone out were seized from them, houses were entered into, and everyone said to be the men of the witness were told to come down. In this matter, in order to understand the truth of these charges and also to know the reasons for the seizure of arms and the arrest of the witness’ men, the witness ordered, through some persons who came to the place where the witness was waiting, someone to go to the said trenches which were closed in order to ask him about the reason and the matter concerning the seizure of arms and the arrest of people, and when this person did not return the witness thrice sent orders, through one named Captain Martin, a native of Silang, to Santos Nokon, and at around ten o’clock at night, Mr. Dorong Puti was sent, to all of whom no answer was given except firmness which gave no satisfaction, and the next day five Mauser shots were fired from the trenches of the soldiers of the said Colonel Yntong (Agapito Bonzon), which was not answered even once by the soldiers of the witness. Shortly after this the trenches were topped and these were surrounded by riflemen and bolomen, accompanied by the officer, Yntong, and others, when this was observed by the witness he ordered in a loud voic tohis commander who was named Benito Torres that no one should open fire in accordance with the shouts of those coming that they were brothers and to let the officers hold talks; they were allowed by the witness to approach but when they had already approached they aimed their guns at all the soldiers in the trenches and seized the arms of everyone, and after having done this, they started shouting that the shameless Supremo who had fled with our money must come out and present himself, and when the witness appeared and presented himself, he rushed and hugged the soldiers he met and shouted to his brothers that he had perpetrated no shameless deed and that he was not absconding with somebody else’s money. In answer to these words he was fired upon on orders of someone who appeared to be a commander, a thin man, but this shot only winged the witness on the shoulder and the bullet struck a man dressed in dinampol, who was standing behind the witness. This was what the witness shouted to the brothers: Look whom you are killing, your fellow-Tagalogs. This was disregarded and they continued firing at the same time until the witness fell, and when he fell he was stabbed on the throat by one of the officers. This is all that can be stated in the named of God and of the nativeland, which can be verified and attested to by the people living there, and perhaps by a few officers and men under Colonel Yntong also. Aside from this, they confiscated all the clothes they owned and the little money they had with them was seized besides and fact that Colonel Yntong tried to force the wife of the witness, according to the one testifying to this, to go up an unoccupied house with the intention of dishonoring her. Thanks to the mediation of some of the brother-officers of Colonel Yntong this did not happen. Likewise, when they were already in the town of Yndan (Indang), the aforementioned commander appeared again and tried to take by force the wife who was looking after the witness. Thanks to the pleading of the witness with Tomas Mascardo, who suddenly appeared, the wife was not taken.

Asked what the arms of the witness and his brothers were, he answered that he had one revolver which had not been lessened by even one bullet, and one poniard; regarding his brothers, in the melee he did not see what arms they had.

Asked if the witness together with his brothers fired at the soldiers of this province, he answered that the gun of the witness, the aforementioned revolver, had not been fired as evidenced the bullets in it; regarding his brothers’ arms these had been seized by the soldiers of Colonel Yntong before the shooting took place.

Asked if he know of if he had reports that even when the soldiers of this government had not yet approached the trenches being guarded by the soldiers of the witness, two soldiers were killed because of gunshots fired from the said trenches, he answered that he knew nothing aside from the two killed in the trenches, from where they were taken by those who carried them to the hospital.

Asked if the witness remembered that he was one of those who met at the Estate House of Tejeros in order to elect a President of the Archipelago, and the witness having understood the matter, answered yes.

Then he was asked if at that meeting Mr. Emilio Aguinaldo came out President; he answered that at that meeting there was confusion as everybody who was there knew and nothing came out of it except to render invalid what had been discussed there by almost all of the Ministers of Magdiwang and even the elected General-in-Chief of the Tagalog Region, Mr. Artemio Ricarte, attested to the truth in a document which states that the election was held through foul means because the true will of the citizens was not followed, so that he could not say that in this meeting Mr. Emilio Aguinaldo became President of the Archipelago.

Asked if the aforementioned Mr. Aguinaldo, because of his election as President of the Archipelago, took the oath of office, the witness, on understanding it, answered that he did not know.

Asked if he knew where Mr. Diego Moxika (Mojica) and Mr. Ariston Villanueva lived, he answered that he left them in the town of Yndan (Indang), but that he did not know the housed where they are staying.

This document was ordered closed and after reading and attesting to its truth he signed it and I, the Secretary, attest to the truth of this.

GARCIA

ANDRES BONIFACIO
Maypagasa
LAZARO MAKAPAGAL”

What could Andres’s counsel, Placido Martinez, add to the statement to improve Andres’s chances of acquittal?
With Bonifacio's defense, how would the Council of War decide?
(To be continued)

Part Two of the Famous Trial of Andres Bonifacio: The Testimony of Pedro Giron

In Part One of this Famous Trials Series, we had an inside view of the proceedings in the Tejeros Convention based on the memoirs of Artemio Ricarte, the secretary of the meeting during the elections. Then, we noted Andres’s efforts to nullify the proceedings with the signing of the Acta de Tejeros and the Naic Military Agreement. We concluded with the arrest of Andres and Procopio Bonifacio in Indang, Cavite.

The Government’s Story

The arrest of Andres and Procopio Bonifacio and the death of their brother Ciriaco are matters that were themselves in issue, along with the charges of treason and sedition against the brothers, in the trial that followed.

The report of General Mariano Noriel (a signatory to the Naik Military Agreement) to Emilio Aguinaldo laid down the version of the Revolutionary Government, as follows:

“Honorable and Eminent President:

“I should like to inform Your Excellency of the report given me by Colonel Agapito Bonzon, who was ordered to Indang together with our soldiers, on the matter regarding the Supremo, and this is no other than what follows.

“When he met the said Supremo, he used on him sweet words in order to convince him to accept his well-meant invitation, but in spite of this he was not able to soften the hard heart, which, besides refusing it, behaved like a real enemy and ordered his soldiers to open fire, which our side returned; for this reason, the unfortunate shedding of blood came to pass, a thing which he (Bonzon) would not have wished to happen on account of his love for the brothers; but in the pursuit of his duty, he deemed it proper to pursue this line of action and, consequently, paid with the lives of a rifleman from Imus and a boloman from Gargano (Bakood); however, they were able to kill a brother of the Supremo and the latter they left in the Tribunal of Indang in a somewhat serious condition because of the wound he had received in the throat; they were able to capture the twenty riflemen with him and a brother of the said Supremo.

Regarding this occurrence, it is up to your good judgment to determine just how grave is the erroneous and treasonable thought of Andres Bonifacio.

May the Lord God keep us safe for many years. Maguagi (Naik) twenty-eight of April one thousand eight-hundred and ninety-seven. (From the translation of Virginia Palma-Bonifacio as it appears in Teodoro Agoncillo’s Writings and Trial of Andres Bonifacio and cited by Justice Abraham Sarmiento’s The Trial of Andres Bonifacio: the Appeal, published in 2005 by the UP Press. This is the basis for most quotations of this entry.)

Aguinaldo endorsed the case to the Council of War. Colonel Pantaleon Garcia began the investigation with Lazaro Makapagal as secretary. From April 29 to May 4, 1897, the Council of War took testimonies of the trial.

The Evidence

The inventory of guns seized from Bonifacio consisted of 28 firearms. The testimonies of the following people were obtained: Benito Torres, Nicolas de Guzman, Rafael Non, Narciso Tiolo, Julia Aguila, Cayetano Lopez, Biviano Roxas, Domingo Deulaso, Domingo San Juan, and Gervacio Santiago. Most of these testimonies, however, were remotely relevant, if at all, to the charges against the Bonifacio Brothers. The testimonies of the above witnesses did not support the allegation that the Bonifacio Brothers were plotting against the Revolutionary Government. Benito Torres testified, though, that in Limbon, Indang Cavite, Ciriaco was the first to fire against the government soldiers.

The Testimony of Pedro Giron

The testimony that stood out was that of Pedro Giron, another one of the signatories to the Naic Military Agreement that placed the revolutionary forces under the command of General Pio del Pilar. His statement based on the original transcription of Lazaro Makapagal and translated in the book of Teodoro Agoncillo was as follows:

“Barracks at Naik, the thirtieth day of the month of April of the year one thousand eight hundred and ninety-seven. Before the Colonel Judge Advocate and myself, the Secretary, appeared the person of Pedro Giron, single, twenty-seven years of age, native of the town of Baliuag, and in order to conduct the proper investigation, he stated the following:

“He was asked: If the one testifying knew that here in this province there is a Government, and if this Government had an army; having understood the question, he answered that there is a Government and an Army.

“He was asked: If Andres Bonifacio had authority here in the Province and, because of this, if the said Andres should properly have an Army; having understood the question, he answered that he knows of no authority coming from this Government.

“He was asked: How many were the guns of Mr. Andres Bonifacio and also how many were his soldiers; he answered that he does not know how many were the guns and the soldiers of Mr. Andres Bonifacio, for the one testifying, in his opinion, was being passed off as one of the soldiers of Mr. Andres, although he did not want to be one of them because he knows that Mr. Andres had evil intentions ever since the meeting held in the town of Tanza regarding the election of a President and other officials; one day, the date of which he could not remember, in the town of Malabon, Andres Bonifacio told him, Let us leave this place because the officials lead badly, so the good thing is for you to join me and you will be better off because, without fail, power would become his (Bonifacio’s), since he was the one who started the fight for freedom; one day when all the forces from the town of Tanza were already in this town, which, in his estimate, was already about twenty days later, more or less, Andres Bonifacio had the one testifying summoned, and when he arrived in the house where he was, Bonifacio said, What will become of us here? But even then, inasmuch as he was the one in power, Kapitan Emilio (Aguinaldo) would be forced to submit to him and should he disobey, he would have him killed, so on that very day the one testifying was given ten pesos as payment to kill Kapitan Emilio if he does not yield to his authority and he told the one testifying that any time, so long as he carries out his wishes, he will not neglect to give anything that might be needed; in this regard, thinking this would end in trouble, he separated from Mr. Andres and he went to Buenavista in Malabon and to Pasong Kauayan with a few soldiers of Malabon on the excuse that he was going to get a number of infantrymen who were his fellow townsmen and acquaintances in the towns of Silang, P. Dasmariñas, Malabon and Tanza; the one testifying also knows that Mr. Andres was assembling soldiers because if, as he said, our troops would be defeated, he would take them out with him, and if they would not be defeated, he would then stay here because everybody would be forced to submit to his authority, so he induced a few of the officers here to join him; in truth, the one testifying knows that a number of the soldiers of Mr. Andres were the ones asking that they leave in order to avoid trouble of any kind, but Andres would not accede to this, replying to the one who presented the proposal that if this should happen and we depart then many will say that he had taken fright and submitted completely to the authority of the few who are in power here.

“He was asked: If everything stated in his answer to the third question was known to the two brothers of Mr. Andres Bonifacio, Ciriaco and Procopio, or if they were privy to it; having understood the question, he answered, No.

“He was asked: If he knew that at the house which was occupied by Mr. Andres Bonifacio at Limbon, there had been meetings, at what time these had been held, and what had been talked about, and who were the people meeting there; having understood the question, he answered that he knows meetings were always being held, that he could not recognize these people because he is not from this place and also does not know what they were conferring about.

“He was asked again: If the one testifying knew where the food of the soldiers of Mr. Andres Bonifacio came from, and who were the persons giving them food; he answered that he does not know where it came from.

“He was asked: If the one testifying had anything more to say besides what he had already said; having understood the question, he answered that very early the previous Wednesday he was at Limbon, and at the time of the shooting between the soldiers of this Government and the three Bonifacio brothers, because of his desire that such a thing should not happen, the one testifying placed himself in the middle to influence, perhaps by his good argument and sweet persuasion, Ciriaco Bonifacio who not only refuse to be restrained but also discharged his gun, causing the death of the two soldiers of the Government; in this regard he thought they could not be pacified and he shouted, Brothers, we are not enemies; find out who are the ones who do not want peace. This examination was ordered stopped, so that after it had been read to him and certified, the Judge Advocate then signed and also the one testifying, and I, the Secretary, attest to the truth of this. Between the lines: one day: at Limbon:
(include).
GARCIA

PEDRO GIRON
PALASO
LAZARO MAKAPAGAL”

For the part of the accused, Procopio Bonifacio testified, among others, that he was not resisting and was in fact surrendering his firearm. He was not aware of the existence of the Revolutionary Government, and learned of it only from passers-by.

Gregoria de Jesus, Bonifacio’s wife, testified likewise, that Colonel Bonzon’s men started the fighting on April 26. No meetings took place. She did not know that there is a President of the archipelago. She also testified that Col. Yntong Bonzon attempted to abuse her.

How did Andres Bonifacio answer the charges against him? How did his counsel Placido Martinez defend him? In the face of this evidence, how did the Court Martial justify its decision?

(To be continued)

FAMOUS TRIALS OF THE PHILIPPINES: THE TRIAL OF ANDRES BONIFACIO

(Part One)
Introduction

Did Andres Bonifacio order Pedro Giron to assassinate Emilio Aguinaldo for ten pesos? Did Emilio Aguinaldo get lawfully elected as President of the First Republic? Could Bonifacio have committed treason against a government that was repudiated by an overt act of the same persons who who participated in its creation? It has been more than a century after Andres Bonifacio’s trial, and we still ask the same questions. To commemorate the birth anniversary of Andres Bonifacio on the 30th of this month, I am posting the multi-part series on the Trial of Andres Bonifacio, founder of the Katipunan. More background material on Andres Bonifacio may be found here.

The Tejeros Convention

We begin our story on March 22, 1897. Cavite was liberated by the victorious but divided revolutionary forces, the Magdalo Wing, led by Baldomero Aguinaldo, and the Magdiwang Wing led by Mariano Alvarez. The Tejeros Convention was called originally by the Magdiwang faction to find out how the Magdalo controlled towns could be better fortified, as the Spanish Army began retaking the towns liberated by the revolutionary forces. The meeting took place in the Tejeros Estate, and first presided over by Jacinto Lumbreras.

Severino de los Alas rose at the start to the session to question the agenda. Wouldn’t it be better to determine first the kind of government existing in the country as upon that government would depend whatever defense might be needed? Lumbreras replied, it was a non-issue. The country is ruled by the supreme council of the Katipunan. Andres Bonifacio, founder of the Katipunan and head of the Supreme Council, spoke and supported Lumbreras. The “K” in the KKK means Kalayaan (Liberty). De la Alas argued, the “K” in the flag is irrelevant to the issue. Is the country a monarchy or a republic? That is the question. Bonifacio replied that the Katipuneros recognized the principles of Union, Fraternity and Equality. Clearly, the government of the Katipunan was a republic.

At this time, the hotheads appeared to be steaming, as Antonio Montenegro spoke to support de las Alas, and in a louder voice claimed that unless some definite understanding was arrived at, the insurgents were mere groups of tulisanes or much worse, brutes. With glaring eyes, Santiago Alvarez stood up, and addressed Montenegro: “We insurgents of Cavite especially of the Magdiwang government recognize and obey the government established by the Katipunan; if you wish to establish any other kind of government more suited to your fancy, retire to your province and conquer territory from the Spanish government as we have done here, and establish there whatever government you like, and no one will interfere with you. We Cavitenos do not need anyone of your caliber as an instructor. “

A commotion ensued. The session went on recess with the Magdiwang guards of Alvarez assuming a threatening attitude against Montenegro’s group. An hour later, heads have cooled down. Andres Bonifacio called the meeting to order. Lumbreras did not want to preside, because the agenda had been changed. Artemio Ricarte (Vibora) took the minutes of the continuation of the meeting.

Andres Bonifacio agreed to the call for the election of a new government on one condition: all must recognize the principle that they respect and obey the decision or vote of the majority. Everyone agreed, and the first elections of the First Republic took place.

The Elections

Before taking a vote, Andres Bonifacio called the attention of the electors to the fact that whoever should be elected by a majority vote should be respected and obeyed, whatever his social status and whatever his degree of culture might be; that is to say even though he should be a casillero (toilet cleaner).

In the following elections, Emilio Aguinaldo was voted President over Andres Bonifacio and Mariano Trias. Santiago Alvarez suggested that Andres Bonifacio be considered the Vice-President having garnered the second highest number of votes as President. No one commented on his suggestion.

The elections continued with Vibora getting elected as Captain General. He protested claiming he was not qualified. But his protests were ignored as the voting continued, this time no longer by balloting. Instead, those who favored any person for a position were made to stand on one side, and those who favored other persons were made to stand on the other, in order to shorten the process as night was falling. Elected in this manner was Emiliano Riego de Dios, Director of War.

Thereafter, the elections for Director of Interior proceeded with Andres Bonifacio getting more people to stand on his side over Mariano and Pascual Alvarez. In the midst of the acclamation for Andres, Daniel Tirona spoke, “The position of Minister of Interior is a very important one and should not be occupied by a person who is not a lawyer. We have in our province a lawyer Jose del Rosario; hence we must protest against the election of the persons elected and acclaimed.” Then he cried “Let us vote for Jose del Rosario, the lawyer!”

Bonifacio rose to his feet and said, “Have we not agreed that we shall obey the will of the majority, whatever might be the social position of the person elected?” He asked Daniel Tirona to repeat what he said or apologize to the assembly for the insult offered to the person elected for up to that time none of those elected was fitted by the reason of his culture for the position to which he had been designated. Tirona hid himself among the crowd, as Bonifacio drew his gun on Tirona, but Vibora seized Bonifacio’s hand and the incident passed without further ado. As the people were about to leave the room, Bonifacio declared, “I, as President of the session and also as president of the supreme council of the Katipunan as you all know, declare this assembly closed, and annul everything that has been done therein.” He then left the room followed by his group. (The above was based on the memoirs of Artemio Ricarte a.k.a. Vibora)

The Acta de Tejeros

The following day, Bonifacio, Mariano Alvarez, Vibora, Diego Moxica and forty four others signed the Acta de Tejeros. declaring among others, that the elections held the day before invalid for lack of legality as the ballots were prepared by one person and distributed to unqualified persons to ensure majority.

That night, however, Emilio Aguinaldo took his oath of office in Sta. Cruz de Malabon.

The Naic Military Agrement

On April 19, 1897, Bonifacio led the signing of the Naic Military Agreement, which placed the entire revolutionary army under General Pio del Pilar. The agreement was signed by 44 generals and leaders including, General Pio del Pilar and one Pedro Giron. Full text of the Agreement may be found here.

Aguinaldo arrived at Naic and caught up with Bonifacio, Gen. Pio de Pilar and Gen. Mariano Noriel. Bonifacio with his two bothers then tried to make their way to Batangas, where a rival government had been set up for him to lead. In a letter to Emilio Jacinto dated April 2, 1897, Andres claimed that the Batangas provisional government was placed under his orders.

The Arrest

On April 26, 1897, Aguinaldo ordered Bonifacio’s arrest to Colonel Agapito Bonzon for “treason and other acts inimical to the safety and existence of the fledgling Republic.”

On April 27, 1897, the three Bonifacio brothers were captured in Indang, Cavite. Ciriaco was killed, and Andres and Procopio were taken to Naic for trial. Bonifacio was carried in a hammock, his left arm shot and neck wounded with a dagger. Soon after, Naic fell to Spanish hands, thus Aguinaldo moved his government to Maragondon where the trial of Andres and Procopio was held.

What really happened in Indang? What were the charges against Bonifacio? What were the evidence?
(To be continued)

Part Two

Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
La Vida Lawyer Notes

How will Gloria play her cards in the event of a diplomatic crisis?

Six US servicemen on "R and R" in Subic. A young lady in a karaoke bar. A van driven by a Filipino driver. The servicemen and the lady get inside the van. She emerges later almost unconscious and cries rape. The six servicemen say she was a prostitute. What do we have here? Stuff that could trigger a diplomatic crisis for Georgie and Gloria. I would leave the arguments to the lawyers and the activists, and indulge instead in a useless speculation on what's to happen next.

Scenario 1. The six servicemen are allowed to leave the country before trial begins. Georgie tells Gloria, "I'm sorry Gloria, we don't trust your system."

How will Gloria react?

Scenario 2. The six servicemen stay in the country, but the trial drags on beyond the one year deadline under the VFA because the judge is always sick. Sometimes, its the fiscal who gets sick, sometimes its the stenographer. And the case is archived as the six servicement leave for Japan. Georgie tells Gloria, "It's your fault, your judge is too slow."

How will Gloria react?

Scenario 3. The six servicemen stay in the country, tried for one year, get convicted and sentenced to die. Georgie tells Gloria. "Absolute pardon or you will have coup. Your system sucks."

How will Gloria react?

Scenario 4. The six servicemen get acquitted. Georgie tells Gloria, "Let's put this behind us. This should not ruin our long standing relationship, in general, and the VFA, in particular."

How will Gloria react?

Scenario 5: The complainant withdraws her complaint, and the six servicemen leave. Georgie tells Gloria, "it wasn't rape after all. I don't want a repetition of this episode in the future. You should give ID cards to your prostitutes."

How will Gloria react?

How I wish in each of these scenarios she would stand up to that smirk and give him a smack in the face, "This is about justice. George. The dignity of our women and the sovereignity of our laws."

Unfortunately, she is on national security mode, which means I will not get my wish. Instead, she'd probably send Mike Defensor again to make sure things get fixed.

Who are the People in your Neigborhood? Meet Mr. Congressman

We needed a bridge for a local barangay. So, we approached the congressman. This is how the conversation went.

"Sorry Padre. I cannot give you your request on that bridge that you need. Our CDF has shrunk to PHP 40 Million. That's not as good as the good old days." Mr. Congressman (Mr. C) said.

I nodded, feigning understanding of what he meant, but giving him the look as if to ask, how do you plan to run in the next elections then?

Mr. C added, "Although, out of the PHP 40 Million, they said PHP 20 Million is for "soft" projects and the other PHP 20 Million for "hard" projects. The local executives are far better than the congressmen these days. They have better funding than congressmen."

I asked, "What do you mean soft and hard?"

Mr C. said, "Hard means actual projects that could be gauged. Soft means funding support for NGO's, foundations and the like. Yung soft pwede mong pitikin kahit kalahati. Sabihin na nating S. O. P. is 50 percent. So out of the PHP 20 Million for soft projects I can get PHP 10 Million. It's still low but not bad.

I gave him the dumb look I give to talkative witnesses on cross-examination. "Pitikin? Fifty percent S.O.P. ?" I didn't know crooks knew poetry.

He continued, " But considering all the people who come to me for money, that PHP 10 Million could be easily spent. Just the other day, the barangay captain of B______ came to me asking for PHP 15 thousand pesos for travelling expenses of his daugther who is supposed to attend a seminar somehere. How do you think I could get out of that extortion try? I told him I'd shoulder half if he shouldered the other half. That bastard, for all I know, he needed only PHP 7,500, and was just trying to make money on me.

I nodded yes, what did the old proverb say "Galit ang magnanakaw sa..?" So much for the bridge.

Atty. Mak, if calling for snap elections is illegal, tell me what's not?

Is appointing a fixer as COMELEC COMMISSIONER illegal?
Is buying election returns illegal?
is kidnapping an election official's family to compel her to cheat for a candidate illegal?
Is bribing military officers to make them cooperate in election fraud illegal?
Is transferring a general who refuse to cooperate in the cheating illegal?
Is the use of government funds for midnight projects that promote an incumbent's re-election illegal?
Is bribing COMELEC officials with envelopes containing PHP 30,000 in Arroyo's La Vista house illegal?
Is calling the COMELEC COMMISSIONER to get an update on the cheating illegal?

You're saying that calling for a snap elections to undo all the evil schemes your famous client did is illegal? Yes, maybe you're right . After all, what does the people's voice have to do with elections. So long as your client can pay and force people to vote for her, real elections can never be legal. For indeed, when the law of the land is power, giving voice to the powerless is illegal.

By the way, you should update your resume, Mr. Election Law Expert. You should add another specialty to your resume: coup d'etat. And when you retire with all that legal fees you get from representing whom Dean Jorge Bocobo refers to as the Moral Midgets, please write us the book on how to turn an elections into a coup d'etat. It must be an interesting read.