147. Pres. Duterte, Pope Francis, and the Parable of the Prodigal Son

"Pu__ ___ __ Pope," oh my, I can't even write it. In November 2015, then just a mere prospect of a presidential candidate Duterte uttered the equivalent of the "F" word to the head of the Catholic Church. If this were the middle ages that would have spurred a crusade. But the cursing and iconoclast-thinking candidate out to make a point that decent is overrated -- and incompetent -- would not be denied his freedom of speech. He would speak his mind, curse the traffic and  the pope who caused it, condemned to hell if he had to, but no moral code was going to make him blip what his mouth wanted to say about the hellish traffic that Pope Francis caused when he visited the Republic in January 2015. Pope Francis seemed unmindful of the raucous. And  I could imagine the humble Pope even offering an apology for the incident had he been informed about it until -- bowed by the pressure of his handlers who were probably led by what could be imagined as septuagenarian members of the Catholic Women's League -- candidate Duterte wrote an apology to the Vatican and to the Catholic Bishop of Bacolod, and vowing to donate a thousand pesos to Caritas Davao for every curse word he said as an act of contrition.  The Vatican accepted the apology and said, "The Holy Father offers the assurance of prayers for you, as he invokes upon you the divine blessings of wisdom and peace."  That was April 2016, and the matter was settled once and for all by an overwhelming vote of the Catholic and non-Catholic majority in favor of candidate Duterte in the May 2016 elections.



("Bago" by Celeste Lecaroz, acrylic on canvas, 4 feet by 4 feet)

Still, I wonder if the Pope's prayers for candidate Duterte had a  hand in the elections -- after all candidate Duterte was the only one who had the benefit of papal prayers among the presidential candidates in spite of being depicted by the other candidates as a foul-mouthed murderous man. If so, it gave a hint of how that goody-goody brother of the prodigal son felt after the rich father gave the son a feast despite living a reckless life -- a parable regularly read in Catholic churches that sidelights an earthly phenomenon in which nice guys finish last and the bad boys have all the fun.



("Viva Il Papa" by Celeste Lecaroz, acrylic on canvas, 4 feet by 4 feet)

Nonetheless, if and when Pope Francis meets Pres. Duterte, it wouldn't be just them meeting, but the Vatican and this Republic, the nation states that they represent, no cursing or crusades expected. Wouldn't that be nice? But nice, like decency, is overrated. For ultimately, as in the parable, we find out that the key to  most everything is discarding our Manichean world view about being nice, decent, or of good behavior for it simply misses the point.

144. Unsolicited Advice to an Incoming President #8: Stop acting like John Lennon

You are so close to proclaiming yourself more famous than Jesus. John Lennon said that about the Beatles in the 60's. And now, John Lennon is dead and the Beatles is still famous but not as famous as Taylor Swift. And when the millenials take over the world, the Beatles would be something their silly parents and grandparents swooned over or some fancy, old, and tired Guitar Hero game. And you #Du30, you're not even John Lennon. You haven't sold a gold record, you just won an election. You haven't done a thing as President and you're telling Catholics to leave the Church and join your Iglesia ni Duterte. And what would people worship- the barrel of your gun? What would people believe in --  the discipline of an "eye for an eye"? How would you baptize people -- by making them shoot a hogtied criminal in the head? Nope, you're no longer the humble man from Davao that people cheered for as you whip the elitist Manila boys. You haven't even taken your oath, and you've acted like the brat who is stepping down. Fine, you're playing jester again, but all these nonsense about the church you're founding is a reflection that your head has swollen. There is never a good time to make more enemies -- most certainly not when you're about to change a lot of things as you had promised during your campaign.  Wisen up, yeah yeah yeah. All things must pass.

143. Unsolicited Advice to an Incoming President #7: You're a hypocrite too.

You said the Catholic Church is the most  hypocritical  institution. I'm fine with that, the Pope's infallibility is not to be confused with his impeccability. Pope Francis made this distinction by humbly seeking for prayers after being elected as Pope and asking for confession thereafter. But if you think the bishops are saints just because they're bishops, then you better ask your Benedictine mentors why bishops are not saints, albeit there were some bishops who became saints, like Augustine of Hippo for example, while a host of others are probably in the deepest circle of hell. But let me turn the tables on you, you're a hypocrite too. You like killing criminals, that's your addiction. The dopamine and other chemicals that get released in the brain when a human being kills another, that's a high no drug can beat, a well-documented fact by  novelists and psychiatrists alike. So, when you say you like to kill criminals, it's not like you're thrilled  because you are upholding the law or you're protecting good people from bad people. That's bullshit. Nobody gets a high by doing his job while thinking about some constitutional provision about upholding the law. You're thrilled because killing gives you that high. You say you'd rather go to hell, as long as the people you serve live in heaven, that's hot air. Killing is your heaven, like gambling is to gamblers, or meth is to drug addicts. You are a fake. You get to scratch your itch and tell everyone it's public service. The bishops and you, you'll find each other in hell, even if you're the  only who wants to go there. Mauna ka na Mayor. 

142. Unsolicited Advice to an Incoming President #6: Remember Gomez, Burgos, and Zamora were framed.

If you remember Lapu-Lapu of March 16, 1521,  surely you'll remember February 17, 1872. Three Filipino priests, Fathers Gomez, Burgos, and Zamora, were lobbying that the parishes be assigned to the seculars. Then, a revolt erupted among the workers in Fort San Felipe in Cavite, which ended in the massacre of most of the putschists by the Spanish army. To save himself from the government which was running after the perpetrators, Capt. Saldua volunteered to be a star witness against the three priests. The Spanish authorities believed everything Saldua  said and refused to allow the three to cross-examine Saldua, saying Saldua suffered from an ailment of some sort. It was a trial that thrived on rumors and happenstance. If you were a prosecutor then, you would have moved to dismiss. Yet, national security was an utmost concern; somebody had to be hanged, and the three vocal priests of the secularization movement matched the frame. On their day of execution, Zamora was driven to insanity, Burgos cried like a baby, and Gomez was resigned to his fate, saying, "Dear Father, I know very well that a leaf of a tree does not move without the Will of the Creator; inasmuch as He asks that I die in this place, may His will be done.”  Saldua, poor fellow, got hanged first. And Gomez, Burgos, and Zamora followed the same end. When they died, the heavens darkened as the people knelt and uttered the prayer for the dead. The death of the priests broke Rizal's heart and inspired him to dedicate the El Fili to the three. When Aguinaldo's army captured the towns of Cavite, they stormed the parishes seeking an affidavit from the Spanish friars to absolve the martyred priests, as if the event did not take place more than twenty years before. But such is the hunger of the people for the truth that no matter how long it had been, the memory of injustice would haunt them and embolden them to undo what was wrongly done, even with an inconsequential affidavit which had no legal bearing. Death could never quell the people's desire for the truth. Lately, you said you would bring back the death penalty by hanging. Many people would not be fine with that, but because you are the President, you can make it happen. Just remember Gomez, Burgos, and Zamora were framed. The Spanish did not get it right, they never did. And this nation, born of the blood of the three martyred priests, seeking the blood of those who disturb our peace, in spite of our learned judges, lawyers, and the men and women who work for justice, we know, we would never get it right one hundred percent of the time. No system would ever get it right all the time.  For no matter how hard we ponder and study the question -- "Should a criminal be hanged?" -- we would always miss a spot and be blind.  We would probably get it right most of the time, but in each time, an unsettling question would lurk in our hearts, are we hanging a Gomez, Burgos, or Zamora again, victims of the mob and the burning passions of their time, witnesses to the limits of our human faculties and ways, and icons of regret that would wound us for the rest of our days?

141. Unsolicited Advice to an Incoming President #5: Give the really rich some spanking

Your crusade against the criminals is welcome, but to be a true socialist as you say, you have to give the rich some spanking. They have made a lot of money through the years. They trumpet it every year, and they're taxed the same way as the rest. So, give the poor a buena mano hit. I pick two darlings of the business world to take it -- Smart and Globe, the telco duopoly. Hit them with the windfall tax. Windfall -- that's what they get every year. They have been raking in at least a billion a month each for so many years, and they give us shit. Dropped signals, no signals, garbled signals, and very efficient billing and collections. They never gave us a rebate for all the bad service they give, and they are proud of it. The Supreme Court even ruled once that a 100 million tax on Globe prescribed and never to be collected till kingdom come. Pres. Ramos broke the PLDT monopoly in the 90s, but through predatory practices, what was once a thriving marketplace of the telecom industry is now a Mutt and Jeff of telco comedy. Come on Mr. President. Be a true red-blooded socialist. Hit Smart and Globe with a windfall tax -- 80 percent of their filthy profits. Use the money to build more schools for children to teach them nobody makes that kind of money without deserving it. 

140. Unsolicited Advice to an Incoming President #4: Keep yourself humble.

I've been analyzing your discourse that set the tone of the campaign, and I think the key element that got you votes was humility. It manifested in many ways like self-deprecating humor ("I've been copying since grade one"), manner of dressing (maong jeans amidst the call for "disente"), public adulation for a rival in Miriam Defensor Santiago ("You will live forever"), and a cool and collected demeanor while waiting for the debate to begin -- highlighted by a joke on Mar Roxas's third visit to the toilet -- when it seemed that every candidate would die if he or she didn't win, you played the jester who's left your fate to the gods. I'm sure you've been humble for a long time, aware of your role in the world and the little space each one of us occupies in the universe, proclaiming no monopoly of the truth, moral righteousness, nor good intentions. This shouldn't be hard, humility. But the presidency has a way of going to people's heads. Just remember it is not a prize, but a duty. Humility. Humility. 

139. Unsolicited Advice to an Incoming President #3: Cut your credit

No, blast it into smithereens. You don't owe anyone your position, not even the 15M voters that swept you to power. You owe it to the 100 million of us that keep this country together, including those that did not vote for you, the millions more to be born in your term, and the millions who died to build this republic.  Your donor, Emilio Aguinaldo, should declare bankruptcy for the billions he gave are now written off -- lista sa tubig. The polarities in your team that are now creating little fiefdoms like the Samar and Balay of the old should be busted. It's one team, the President's. No little presidents should emerge. You don't owe them. The guy who used to give you the answers to your math quizzes, the man who taught you how to shoot, the lawyer who got your marriage annulled, the doctor who treats your migraine, and the bishop who lends you his plane -- screw them all.  I asked an adviser of yours a week before you got elected if you are a philosopher  king, and he replied that you are a benevolent despot -- a reply not enough to swing my vote away from my loyalties for a despot doesn't look like anyone in Plato's ship of state. But the theater of the elections is over. The ship of state is now for you to steer. You can still be the philosopher king. Begin by declaring you are debt free. Let your creditors call you a scumbag, walang utang na loob. It doesn't matter what they say. There should be no paybacks, only thank yous. 

138. Unsolicited Advice to an Incoming President #2: Do Something Crazy

Do something crazy. Curfew, alcohol ban,  karaoke limit -- not crazy enough. You offered four cabinet seats to the left? It means nothing because the laws they are going to implement are capitalist creations and compromises. The three hectare retention limit of the Agrarian Reform Law, for example, used to make Jimmy Tadeo's blood boil; he wanted zero. You trash-talked Congress and their penchant for legislative inquiries? Oliver Lazano can do a better job. What I want is the most outrageous idea you can do with your mandate -- something to stress a point to its illogical limits. You hate rapists? Introduce the penalty of castration and whatever's removed are fed to the dogs in plain view of the convict. What a spectacle. That would make Michel Foucault turn in his grave. Plunderers and white collar criminals? Twenty years in exile with the Dalai Lama on the mountains of Tibet, costs of board and lodging charged to their loot. Murderers? One year inside a tomb beside their victims. That's just for the criminals. For transportation, we need a cable car across Luzon. What about a tunnel to connect Cebu, Bohol, and Negros Island? For Mindanao, tunnels, railways, cable cars, put them all there. Make it a showcase of development. You can even move the capital of the country to Davao and build a Malacanang of the South.  For the OFW's, slash the remittance fee rates into half. Bring the price down by making the postal money order system electronic. I'm sure these too are not crazy enough, but you get the drift. Do something crazy, outrageous, and wild. Be the imaginative President we never had. Create a Department of Imagination. Don't squander your mandate like the others did. Nobody get's to be president twice. 

137. Unsolicited Advice to an Incoming President #1

I never want to hear you say it's the outgoing President's fault. It doesn't matter whose fault it is, you're the President now. It's your problem now and you asked for this. You filed a Certificate of Candidacy for the Presidency, campaigned for five months (actually, evidence shows at least two years), burned a lot of energy and dough speaking to throngs of crowds that sent them to cathartic heights, and now you have it: the title, the chair, the seat, the power, the voice, the big fist. You have the treasury, the army, (even the enemy's army which might no longer be the enemy unless the RA's would have there way again), the international community, and you can command people power and electrify this nation. So man up, unsolicited advice that was shunned by your outgoing predecessor, don't blame him or any one before him.