Monday, December 12, 2005

My Favorite Bad Movies

It just occured to me that I could name more favorite bad movies than favorite good movies. These are films I watched as a kid frequenting Ali Mall on weekends with PHP 20 pabaon from my Dad. Movies were cheap at PHP 5.50 for orchestra seats, and pop corn was just PHP 2. The Filipinos were then on the the Guinnes Book of World records for watching an average of 19 films a year. I can’t believe we feasted on this junk for years. But hey, I must say I enjoyed them. Here is my favorite bad movies list:

10. Tartan - A Vic Sotto starrer a la Tarzan, where they had villagers speaking in a strange language in which the syllables “sepe” were added to each word in the Tagalog sentence. Famous line “ Gasepego pasepela kasepeyo ehsepe!” Go figure.

9. Mong --A comics to movie flick, introducing six foot eight Bonnie de Jesus about a basketball player who can’t shoot. Famous scene: Mong’s dad rents a prostitute to get his son “baptized”. Dad gets tittilated listening to the moans of the girl in the room. But camera shows prostitute scratching Mong’s back wth a big wooden fork (the kind you get from Baguio City to hang on your wall) and begging to stop because she’s too tired to go on.

8. Tres Moskiteros at si Ako -- Tito Vic & Joey with the late Maria Teresa Carlson were on this film. The three comedians do not act as musketeers except for the last ten minutes of the movie, which was shot in an “old kingdom” set to justify the title. Famous scene: Tito Sotto making a shaking gesture with his right hand and obscene face contortions. Nova Villa comes in the room and asks what is he doing. He says “Nagbabate.” And then the camera zooms out to reveal Tito beating eggs for breakfast.

7. Six Million Centavo Man -- This is a Chiquito starrer ripping-off Lee Majors’s Six Million Dollar Man. Chiquitto gets bionic abilities after an operation that cost Six Million Centavos. They showed surgery being done on what was obviously a dead pig being passed off as Chiquito’s tummy.

6. Hot Dog - Another Tito, Vic, and Joey starrer about an enchanted dog with golden feces. Highlight of the film is when the dog demonstrates his golden abilities as Tito Vic and Joey cheer on the side “Echas! Echas! Echas pa!”

5. Starzan - Joey de Leon takes the lead here with Chitae (Rene Requiestas) and Zsa Zsa Padilla. In the film, Zsa Zsa gives birth to a baby while moaning “It’s coming! It’s coming!”, and Joey looks on and says “It’s showing! It’s showing!”

4. Zuma - Max Laurel plays the fabled snake man of Filipino comics donning green paint all over his body and two mechanical snakes hanging over his neck. He gets a woman pregnant, who then undergoes an operation to abort the fetus. But during the operation, the fetus jumps from one woman to another and finds another hostess, who eventually gives birth to Galema, Zuma’s daughter.

3. For Your Height Only -- Weng Weng plays Agent 00, a secret police agent barely three feet tall. The film is now internationally hailed as one of the best bad movies ever. Highlight of the film is Weng Weng, looking scared stiff, with two burning fire extinguishers hanging on his back flying supposedly to go after the bad guys.

2. Pete Matipid -- Another Chiquito movie based on his TV show where he plays Pete, the miser. Meal time with Pete is amazingly cheap as he takes out fried chicken hanging on a string from a closet. Tintoy, his perennial side kick, tries to get a slice of the chicken, but is stopped by Chiquito, saying to save the chicken, they will only smell it, and eat only the rice.

1. Working Boys -- Tito, Vic, and Joey star again in this all gags ending in sort of kidnapping movie. The trio play the role of utility men. One of them plays a barber. At the start of the film, a customer asks if he could get a haircut and was asked to wait outside. At various points of the movie, he asks if he could get his turn but is made to wait again until he is remembered at the end of the film with an overgrowth of hair and beard and looking like a monster. i still see the actor who played this character in Timog Avenue, Quezon City with his long hair.

Can you name me your favorite bad movie? I promise to give a limited edition La Vida Lawyer coffee mug (shipping not included) to the best replies to this post with your favorite bad movies. Drop me a few lines, with the title of the film, the actors and a short summary of what was it about. You can also link to posts on your own blogs. This contest is open to all. But if you're living abroad, you have to find a way to pick up the mugs from my office in Quezon City. Contest ends on Christmas day Philippine time. Cheers!

10 comments:

Punzi said...

Oooh, ooohh! Can I start?

"Tangga and Chos: Beauty Secret Agents"- the Joey de Leon and Jon Santos rip-off of the Stalone/Rusell movie Tango and Cash.

Tangga and Chos were framed by the Gay Godfather (played by Eddie Garcia) for the murder of Pitoy, hence the famous line "Pitoy...patay!), to be picked up and trained by a colonel played by Val Sotto. They eventually defeat the Gay Godfather and his Gay Mafia...

Manny said...

Marvs,

Got one for you. Actually saw it last night on TFC. Kamagong, the Lito Lapid JC Bonnin movie about Arnis. Favorite movie line from Dencio Padilla: Belen( Mia Pratts), babalikan ka ni Ariel(JC), bukod sa ang galing mong gumiling, malaki pa ang bibingka mo!

Senor Enrique said...

Hello Marvin,

I don't have an entry to submit but I want to share my memorable experiences with our local cinema.

My aunt used to take me to Cine Noli at Avenida Rizal near Blumentritt in the afternoons. I don't remember much of the titles but do remember Leopoldo Salcedo, Cesar Ramirez, Paraluman, Barbara Perez, Rosa Mia, Rogelio de la Rosa, Rosa Rosal and etc.

There were also memorable characters inside the movie theater like those who would yell, "Fire!" only to steal seats, as well as men who would politely asked to be excused as they maneuver their way through our row of seats, but their hands would brush against my aunt's breasts. However, my aunt would poke their butts with an oversized pin.

There were also the memories of roasted corn on the cub, hopia and sarsaparilla. Oh, yes ... bites from the surot (bedbugs).

My father would take me to better movie houses in Sta. Cruz but mostly for Hollywood flicks, except for one time, Manuel Conde's Juan Tamad movie.

All in all, it was fun!

Eric

Sassy Lawyer said...

hindi ba pwede generic, like...

1) All Tito, Vic & Joey movie
2) All Ronnie Ricketts movies
3) All Chiquito movies
4) All Ramon Revilla movies

Major Tom said...

Hi Marvin. I have some Favorite bad Movies in mind...

HARI NG STUNTMAN--starred by Dante Varona, this action flick is grounded on the life of a veteran stuntman who have alreday retired but for some reason was challenged to make one final job and that is to jump from the San Juanico Bridge. It's like the local version of "The Unforgiven" where Clint Eastwood's character had to come out of retirement to make one final assassination job.

Why was it bad. It was so bad that I slept through most of the movie and waking up only to watch Dante Varona jumped into the water. It was supposed to be an action movie but it turned out that the only action scene worth watching was the final scene, which by itself not so much of an action sequence.

marvin said...

Punz,

That one's really bad, I didn't bother to see it.

Manny,

He he kakambal yata niyan yung Zimatar. JC Bonin din.

Senor Enrique,

Ako naalala ko yng mga sinehan sa Cubao na surutin din, Coronet tsaka Alta. Minsan may tumabi pa sa kin na lalaking nanghihipo. I freaked out. I was just 12 then.

Sassy,

You mean you watched all their films? May naalala akong Ramon Revilla film -- Kapitan Tiyago kumakain na Bala. Sobrang sama, naaala ko lang hindi siya tinatablan ng bala, kaya kinakain na lang niya.

Major Tom.

Naalala ko pa yung mga advertisement niyang Hari ng Stunt. Kwento pa nila may naputol pang ugat sa mata si Dante Varona pagtapos niyang tumalon mula San Juanico Bridge. Bakit naman niya kasi ginawa yun?

I'm feeling generous today guys. Email me for details on claiming your coffee mugs. :-)

Jojo Devera said...

Here's mine:

DOCTOR, DOCTOR WE ARE SICK (Viva Films, 1985) Vilma Santos, Tito, Vic & Joey & Rowell Santiago Directed by: Mike Relon Makiling

ASAL HAYOP (Baby Pascual Films & Associates, 1980) Bembol Roco & Pia Moran Directed by William Pascual

PENOY BALUT (Regal Films, 1987)Nora Aunor Tirso Cruz III & Roderick Paulate Directed by: Mike Relon Makiling

MGA NAKAW NA SANDALI (First Film Productions, 1985) Maria Isabel Lopez Ronaldo Valdez Al Tantay Liz Alindogan & Stella Suarez, Jr. Directed by: Nilo Saez

TAMBAY SA DISCO (Associated Entertainment Corporation, 1980) Alma Moreno Al Tantay Tet Antiquiera & Beth Bautista Directed by: Cloyd Robinson

sari-saringsinengpinoy.blogspot.com

Jurb said...

Has the film "Petrang Kabayo" been mentioned already? It's a Roderick Paulate starrer about a parlorista who was given the gift (or curse) of becoming a horse when the full moon rises. :)

Nice topic, Ma'am! Reminds me of the good ol' days of Philippine cinema.

Anonymous said...

Can someone please tell me what the title of the movie that Dante Varona did where he jumped over San Juanico Bridge was?

richard tuason-sanchez bautista said...

my classic favorite bad movie is entitled: langit at lupa, the cast lead by Romnick Sarmenta and Sheryll Cruz, with John Regala. In the movie, Sheryll came from a well of family, where in she practically wears cocktail at times with a hat as pambahay, and gowns, just to show that she is wealthy. Romnick is the extreme end of society who is in love with Sheryll. John Regala, who the mother of Sheryll wanted to be her fiancee, talks with a very bad American twang, wanna be American bred Pinoy.
This movie came out in 1989?